Returning To Who We Are
Every time we go out in public, we engage in a series of elaborate social scripts so that we can get along with other people. Pleasantries, formalities, and personal space conventions are all examples of automated behaviors that we exhibit because we seek approval from those around us. They are a common ground for us to stand on, a compromise of our natural inclinations for the sake of civility.
These learned behaviors are useful, of course; the world would be chaotic if everyone did whatever they wanted. Yet it seems to me that we have become oversocialized and lost touch with the fact that most of the time we are, in fact, acting. The proper place for etiquette is not our private lives. If we infuse our own minds with falseness, we lose the ability to understand ourselves.
As kids, we were all conditioned to act the way our parents thought was appropriate. We were given boundaries that we otherwise never would have observed. And along with the positive acquisitions such as saying “please” and “thank you,” were the negative acquisitions, traits that just didn’t fit us. Parents who meant to mold their children into something meaningful shaped them into people they are not. Gentle souls were made aggressive, creative minds were forced to think formulaically, and passionate spirits were dulled to docility.
Imposing learned traits on natural ones endangers our well-being. We tend to favor learned traits, since they often seem logically superior to our natural ones; yet our original impulses can never be thwarted, and the effort to go against the grain of our beings is always in vain. Often, we become confused and restless trying to reconcile what we’ve been taught with what we naturally know.
It would be nearly impossible to deprogram ourselves so that we could once again act the way we did as children. Sometimes I wish for a kind of mental decompression chamber – an inflatable yellow capsule like the moonwalkers they have at amusement parks, where people could jump up and down and scream and curse, mentally unburdening themselves of all of the energy they regularly repress. Something is needed to release people from the thousands of social conventions that bear down on them every day, to connect them - if even for a moment - with their original selves.
I believe that behavioral scripts were meant to function within a social context, not become absolute standards of conduct. No matter how hard we try, we are not the people we were taught to be. We are the way we were born and the way we have become through our own personal exploration – no more and no less.
I cant agree with you more Evan..
a friend of mine always wondered howcome I always got home from work with roses and phone nr in plenty. I told her the guy belives Im their dreamgirl..
Within my line of job (casino) my job is to make the guest feel comfterable at the table. You very quickly by a few simple questions and conversation find out what he likes then u ask about it and show interest (they feel flattered if you show that u are impressed), or if you know things about it you can discuss it and come with clever inputs and then they go even more crazy. Being charming and smiling too.. All that gives cash to a girl on commision..
To bad for them Im an angry, mean, stubborn, lonewolf.. What you describe up there is what I call chameleon state of mind. That is a fun thing.. People always wonder what happened with the person they first meet, when the person changes.. I say: they turned into themselves, they did not have the energy to keep the mask up anymore.. (the one people hold up to impress). and actually you can go back to childstate of mind and speak it freely, just be prepared for people to look odd on you and call you by the name of that you are a true original in your young age..
I know that one.. Moooooo