Hey, Drunk dude, how’s it going? The concert sounded great!  I could use some of that weed myself some days(I don’t smoke either)or some alcohol. I am doing Ok, sometimes. The nice thing about this crush of mine is that it has made me not really notice other guys too much and consequently i am totally unselfconscious and relaxed around them and I don’t worry about making any kind of impression and i guess guys like that cos now some other guys are noticing me and coming after me ! Because I am ignoring them! Go figure.Yeah, i am hanging with some other guys but they are not him and my fantasies always come back to him.I think I tried to bury him a little deeper so i could try to forget about him but he comes back up as strong as ever when i hear a certain song (like all of them on my MP3) or i feel a certain unnamed and vague sadness. I am missing him a lot and i can’t get him out of my head. He is coming back to my branch in September and i don’t know what the hell i am going to do. When i see his buddy next and i get a chance(have not had a chance yet,) i am just going to ask how is friend is doing and then tell him to tell him i said hi.That’s all. You want to talk about lame?..this is all I’ve got, a little chat with his buddy. I am not going to ask if he gave him the note because he could say anything he wanted and furthermore, he could go running back to my guy and tell him i asked and how dumb does that look..God, i just hate this.  Everything else is going Ok.Working every day, after work going to the beach, mall, keeping up with my running, hanging with my friends and some guys who asked for my number.I see some other crushers have posted too and i tried to give some advice but I really enjoy chatting with you. You have a good attitude about this girl, in fact you have improved quite a bit in feeling hopeless and depressed about her since your first post(even tho you were drunk)..i think you have come to terms with stuff..and i don’t hate her, don’t worry, just wish she was around you more. You are lucky to have her as a friend, so there’s one more lucky for you !This site has helped me a lot and i find journalling helps to get my feelings out about my guy. What am i going to do? I found out his first name and felt so excited at first but it does not bring me any closer to him. Well, that’s enough from me for now, i always seem to go on for ever. I might post one of my journal entries in the future, if anyone wants to read, I don’t know, maybe no one will be interested but anyway, i might. Yeah, when i am not thinking about jumping his bones, I do have some meaningful thoughts about life Chat soon...Adventuregirl.

I tried to post this last night, but got shut down before I could enter it. In the meantime, AG… lucky you waited-whew-How did you find out his name and that he was coming back???

Well here it goes my post to DD from last night:
“DrunkDude, sorry I have not posted but I knew AG’s wise words would hit home and comfort you more (she sounds Canadian, eh?).
But that doesn’t really matter (although we do like to reason things out more often than not).  Please don’t say you are out of her league because that is a misnomer. No one is because to me we all eat, sleep, and crap the same way. To say you are fine is fairly accurate tho, because as I have posted once before, it is an acronym for
F UCKED UP
I NSECURE
N EUROTIC and
E MOTIONAL (sorry for the ‘f’ word Evan)

DD-I just wanted you to smile a little and think. Ease up on yourself. Bumping into ‘her’ with ‘him’ was meant to happen. A wake-up call so to speak. You’ll make the same mistakes over and over and over until one day you’ll say one of two things: 1) Damn-it, I’m not going to fall like this ever again - which becomes an issue of self-trust or an insecurity trap, and you’ll go out there to use people, or 2)a little light bulb will pop in your head and you’ll start to change; your thoughts will mature properly; you’ll realize it’s not “them” and it’s not “you”, it’s society in general.
Then, the right person will drop suddenly from heaven and you will take all your “learning” (for what it’s worth) and see that this person is entirely available for you and you alone. They will be beautiful inside and out. You don’t have to fall in love with everyone you meet. There are so many levels of love and we sometimes confuse unconditional love (like that we get from our family and pets) to people outside the circle. Wait. Be patient. Breath a little. And focus on what’s important for DrunkDude, because DrunkDude has a lot going for him. He has great heights to reach (without second-hand dope smoke). Live everyday like a new adventure and you will find peace.
Wow - did I just write all that? So why am I so unhappy - man, the best advice cannot be heard by the one who gives it. OK, I have to crash now, my lovely dogs woke me up to write this (those lovely beasts) and I have to work tomorrow.  I love you both AG and DD… you have given me inspiration.
For I am AlwaysCrushed (vying for a name change LOL) AC

AC, DD, please help me...I was in the grocery store today and guess what pulls up outside..yep, a Brinks truck and guess who walks in?..you got it..my guy.He looked so good i could have cried..anyway, i was in the line up to check out and he was about 20 feet away from me emptying a safe or dropping off some coin or something like that,anyway, i was just staring at him, he loked so great and then he sort of turned and looked at me but did not have an expression on his face, looked at me as if he was trying to place me..I looked kind of crappy..you know i was just running into the store for a few things, who dresses up for that and also when ever he saw me at the bank i was dresssed to the nines, make up, jewellry, hair the whole deal...today i was totally dressed down.. i gave him a half smile and turned away,,did not want to be caught staring at him and also felt really stupid about the note and he did not reply and here i am again..i was practically hysterical inside. I did not look at him again and he might have been looking at me, i don’t know my back was to him and the fucking line up was moving so slow..i did not know what to do, i hope he could not sense my discomfort from where he stood, i was freaking out inside.did he think i looked crappy ? i just got back, can barely function, did he recognize me or not? and if so was it a good thing or not and if he did not then i am OK because its as if it idd not happen...shit, i should dress up more before going grocery shopping..fuck, what are the odds..what am i going to do..do i go again next Saturday and talk to him this time or is that going to look too contrived, you know there i am again at the exact same time doing my groceries again..i feel sick..DD, AC...need your help please..just seeing him was so nice and now here i am going back to the place i was before that i tried so hard to get out of and forget him...reply soon AG

OMG… AG… HANG IN THERE… I’m here, but i’ve got to read it again

OK, now that I’ve caught my breath - OMG - my stomach jumped like I was there with you. And I hated that feeling too. I think you did the right thing… er, um, OMG.
OK, relax and breath. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Please don’t hyperventilate on me. You didn’t look crappy, you just looked like everyone else.
How the hell did you get home in one piece?
Don’t eat what you bought yet. Think.  Do something while you’re thinking - laundry, vacuum, dishes, have a freakin shower. Yeah have a shower - let it out there. Cry and the shower will wash away some of the emotion. Or laugh with glee. Do a little dance… you can’t watch tv now because what will be the point?
Listen kiddo, he was working and you have to respect that else you would have been cuffed by someone for being a spaz (yeah, laugh a little). You were right to spaz out at home and here. Thanks for trusting us.
I must say though, I’ve never seen a fabulously built or good looking Brinks guy. It’s ususally the firemen or FedEx(r) guys. Keep in touch, I won’t be far from my computer.

Here’s another thought AG
Look up your horoscope for today.
Mine made a whole lotta sense, so maybe yours does too.
AC

ADVENTURE GIRL!... what’s going on? Are you ok?... just checking in.

Thanks AC, i’m here..had to go out for while so could not reply but I am totally distraught.What am i going to do? i can’t show up for goceries every Saturday at 1 pm..I am going there one last time next Saturday and then what am i going to do? i don’t know..He looked so awesome, i mean heart stoppingly handsome and tall and nice but the look on his face when he faced me was completely blank, no expression at all, almost like he either did not recognize me or did not like me..maybe he was mad about the note and now he hates me..I don’t want him to think i am mad because he did not call me because i am not at all. I did give him a quick smile then turned away and I did not look again.. I heard him kind of joking and talking to the cashiers..did i say i think i looked like crap...maybe he got totally put off by what he saw.. and here we go again..speculating and second guessing , never in my favour..I feel sick....my birthday is jan 20, AC, can you look up my horoscope.i don’t believe in that stuff really but just curious about today..I have to go but will be back later tonight..thnaks for your support..write back soon please, give me the straight truth ( well, you always do) about what you think went on his head and what should i do next Sat....AG

AlwaysCrushed and Drunkdude..I am doing OK, sort of.Better than before,I got a grip. Went out for a while but it was intolerable to talk and think about anything else but you know who. So here i am talking to you two because you don’t mind if i monolgue about him and today for while. My instincts, which i trust 100%, are telling me that he was trying to place me or recognize me,thats why he looked blank, maybe that i looked so different than at work, that maybe i looked vaguely familiar and then he remembered, thats the impression I got but he did not smile so i am seriously depressed about that, because he would have smiled if he was happy about recognizing me. His eyes looked right at me, quite seriously even when i smiled at him.I don’t know what thats all about. Anyway, i am going to see him next Saturday and just say hi as he is walking in and I will try to be walking out so it does not look like i am waiting around for him (even tho i will be)and then maybe i will say how are you and judge how he is from there, maybe he will recognize me better this time..i am going to look kick-ass good this time.It might all come to nothing, I have to lower my expectations but any advice from you two about this little plan of mine would be great.
I don’t call myself adventuregirl for nothing.
AC, you asked how i got his name. Well, whenever Brinks drops off their cash at the branch, they have to sign for it and just looked thru the papers til i came to when he would have signed back in spring and winter when he came in. It starts with a C, could not make out his last name at all. i would love to tell you his name but what if someone from Brinks reads this and puts two and two together and shows him what i have posted here. Stuff like that can happen,you know, and that would be all I fucking need. I heard thru grapevine lunch room chat that he is coming back on this route. If i can get thru today I can get thru anything this crush throws at me, I swear. I am exhausted...going to sleep will chat soon..adventuregirl.

AdventureGirl - I have totally been in your shoes… your teetering on the edge of becoming a “stalker” LOL - not really.
You are going to freeeeeek out when I show you what your horoscope read YESTERDAY (saturday)... here it is:
July 14th
Are you assuming the worst? If this is a mental habit of yours, it’s time to examine it. When the time is right, the full extent of the situation will be revealed—and it’s not so bad. So until then, why stress out?
Then for today:
July 15th
Hold off on making a decision until you hear the other side of the story. Yes, you want to make a decision, but in the end you want to make the right one. A hasty move now could just cause more trouble than it resolves.
OK… are you freaked? I am.
Love ya kid… AlwaysCrushed
ps… wonder where the DDude is hiding?

Oh, and the other thing I want to mention. Watch your back.  If the ‘others’ are talking about him publicly in the lunchroom, where does that leave you in the pecking order? Be careful, be smart, and don’t let your crush consume you too much, there may be competition for his attention. Toxic guy couldn’t keep his mouth shut and that caused a huge problem for me.

Wow, AC, that horoscope is very encouraging and amazingly right on...hope it is right. I am assuming the worst. I have only got about a minute but wanted thank you for looking it up for me and being there for me. Now, you still have not advised me about what to do next Saturday. Keep in mind there are two things i absolutely will NOT do for any guy, no, not even this one and they are 1) chase him and 2)compete for him with other women..no way. I’ll give him up first and that’s saying something as you know...i will chat later..hope all is well with you, i have kind of monopolized the last few blogs...thanks for indulging..PS..I got a grip today and am feeling much better and not taking his actions so personally against me...What do think his blank look meant? He looked right at me with a total blank expression on his face and intently at me with his eyes right into mine for a few seconds..i had to look away, i was discouraged by him not smiling..what is that all about ?  thnaks, as always, I remain Adventuregirl

Ok, so according to my clock AdventureGirl, you have 14 hours before you meet with your crazy adventure. I’ve done this before… to catch a glimpse of your crush, making yourself available, yet not too desperate. Make sure your shopping cart is half full of stuff you really need, otherwise you’ll be putting things back on the shelves before you leave the store.  You realize you’re going to give the undercover store cops reason to be following you around. LOL
Ok, in all seriousness, are you ready? Do you have a planned “list” of things to talk about. Forget the weather, unless it has been exceptionally bizarre - keep it brief because he has deadlines to keep… like Hey, aren’t you .... the girls really talk about you at work. You’ve obviously left an impression.  You are the only one who will be able to decide whether or not to be aloof, calm, cool, collected.  Take some advice from Drunk Dude (maybe) and play it cool… but most importantly BE YOURSELF. You are, after all, AdventureGirl!!!!
Good luck! and please let us know what happens. I have a busy day tomorrow, but I’ll definitely be thinking about you, and will check in later tomorrow night (Eastern Standard Time)
AlwaysCrushed

Helloooo… how did it go? or was he a no-show? Lemme know, before I blow!

Wow, looks like things are finally moving with you AG, I’m sorry I missed that. Me and my friends went on a road trip. I tried to get my mind off all the crap and you know who...Anyway, what’s going on with you? Are you alright? Me, I did not heard a fuckin thing from her ever since...I’m on the verge of giving up for good…

drunk dude… we were wondering what happened to you. Glad you’re ok and took some time to reflect. You know, things do happen for a reason and we have to live through the good, the bad, and the ugly things. Don’t let this ugly thing manifest itself within your heart because you are a good person and if you don’t believe it, repeat it to yourself until you do!
I’m a little worried about AdventureGirl. We last left her with a plan to wait inside the store for the Brinks guy whom she spotted there one week and two days ago (maybe three if you’re reading this on Tuesday)... I’m sure she’ll let us know soon.  Good to see your words again :o) and keep a smilin that ever-lasting smile

Hi guys..sorry for the delay and suspense, AC, but i went camping for the past three days, right after the store so did not have a chance to reply. Anyway, it was a different guy(I hated the sight of him)so i will go to that store again some other Saturday in the hopes of seeing him again. I have a very strong feeling we will meet again and talk but I don’t know how and when. i usually don’t believe in things like signs and fate and stuff..but here’s the thing..I have been going to that store for five years and never seen a Brinks truck there before and the one Saturday that I see one it has to be him at the exact same 5 minutes as me.. Also there is this song that reminds me of him a lot, i mean the lyrics the tune and feelings everything and when i went into the store on Saturday, it was playing.(even tho he did not show up).  Freaked me out just a little.It is probably just as well he did not show because i am thinking it would have looked so contrived, me being there when he is so I ‘ll have to try again on another random Saturday and hope for the best. I am thinking his blank look meant he was trying to place me, maybe, who knows, Drunk dude, why do guys do that? It is good to hear from you, by the way. Hope your road trip was great fun and the world showed you what else it has to offer. You know, I was almost giving up too, in total despair when he showed up out of the blue. Some times when you start giving up, things kind of turn around and surpise you. Let us know if this happens to you.Always Crushed, thanks for the advice about what to do when i see him next. Well, i am going look as natural as possible, like i was not planning to be there and not sure yet if i will talk to him or not. If i get another blank stare, I am out of there, man.There is no way i am talking to him unless he gives me a smile or some sign that he remembers me. And i am going to see him in September when he starts delivering to our branch again but, don’t have clue what i am going to do. I thought about him CONSTANTLY on this camping trip and wondered what he would be like in a tent...hmmmm. I’ll chat soon Your friend, adventuregirl

You go girl !

AG, so...are you going to stalk him again today? Go for it, you have nothing to lose. If he doesn’t recongnize you, just go talk to him and say some shit about the bank etc. I do that all the time when I see people I saw somewhere and they don’t remember me, no one ever told me to fuck off yet, so there’s nothing to be worried about. I rooting for you, you know it. Come on.
AC, thanks but there nothing you can say that’s going to make this mess any better, I think you know it..But thanks for trying nonetheless.

Hi drunk dude, thanks for the encouragement. today(SAT) i am going camping again for about 2 days so cannot make it to the store this Sat..it is killing me but i have friends picking me up in about 1/2 hour so can’t really ask them to wait til I finish my stalking..I will see his buddy on monday and i am going to tell him to tell my guy that i said hi and see what happens..might go to the store next Sat if i can swing it...I hate that this so difficult to see him but what else can i do..you know, forgetting about him is not going to happen any time soon. How are you doing ? Will you see her before you go overseas? Hope you are OK.Talk to us about it if you want, you know we are so here for you . Chat soon..Adventuregirl

AdventureGirl… You’re killing me with the suspense, but all in good time I suppose LOL (like it’s all about ME - yeesh!).
DrunkDude… you remind me of my border “Schnitzel”... LOL ... keep an open mind. Concentrate. Focus. Remember this too: “You are the power and authority in your life” not someone else. I know you don’t want to hear this “junk” from me but I don’t give up easily on giving virtual emotional support. What you don’t know about me is I do not support games women play. I’m in the middle of one right now which could freak me out, but the drugs help a lot LMAO!!! I suspect your girl isn’t playing you, she is just oblivious because of the other dude. Maybe he’ll screw up and she will NEED YOU for emotional support. When do you leave for your new job? At least if you have her email address, you will be “there” for her? Just a thought while you wait for the scenario to play out… Well gotta go ‘cause I’m AlwaysCrushed

AlwaysCrushed,
Oh yeah, be her emotional support...just what I needed...Come cry on my shoulder when things are bad and then go back fucking some random guy. Why don’t you just rip my heart out and blend it, that would save us all some time.
I am sorry if I sound like a jerk right now, things are real bad (dare I say hopeless?). I really hate her right now. Today I ran into her (again gaddamn it!) at the movies (total coincidence..) I did my best so she would not see me, cause she was with that idiot and I was with my friends. She was sitting few rows in front of me, so I don’t think she saw me, but I, on the other hand, had the ‘pleasure’ of watching her make out with that ugly fuck...I was about to explode, but what can I do...?
I still have some things to do before I leave, I was trying to delay this trip as much as possible, but there’s no point now.
I swear to god, I am not falling for this crap again, I’ve learn my lesson.
AlwaysCrushed, thanks for beeing on the other side of this screen where ever that may be. Telling this to someone is better than nothing I guess. But you never talk about yourself, feel free, I am a great listener

Hi Drunk dude..I won’t butt in ahead of AlwaysCrushed here but i will respond later, when she has shared some of her wry and experienced wisdom. Can I tell you about my latest non-adventure? Well, i was going to ask his friend to say hi to my guy on monday but some other dude came in..i guess with vacations they change around their shifts or something. Jeez, did i hate the sight of him too. God, I cannot wait to see him again however that may be.I can’t even wait to send a hi to him thru his buddy, that’s totally lame but i feel it brings me closer to him or whatever.It is so great for me to talk to you two about this, I think i would be feeling totally desparate if i could not share this.I will let AC respond and i’ll talk to you later. I feel so bad for you to go through what you just went through. I would be seriously depressed but don’t worry, we’ll try and talk you out of it. There is a saying, that things are never as they appear..wonder how that applies to your situation.I am feeling for you, man, hang in there. As far as we are concerned, you rock and it is her loss too.  Chat soon.  AG

Yeah, so like, Drunk Dude, what movie was it? Did any of your “posse” see you get emotional? Did any of them know what you were going through? Was it a real make-out movie? Hmm, some how I doubt it.
THAT HAD TO KILL YOU… so where is the wake-up call in all this? Your words sat like lead in my stomach. Why does it always have to be about “le fuck”? If I could drink, I’d be drinking you through this. BUT – drinking is the wrong solution to your emotional state. In the long run, the beer will never help.  Shifting the blame to her could possibly be a misinterpretation of the bowel. Breathe a little. Give yourself some space on this one. I don’t want you to admit defeat because your girl makes you feel defeated. Miss Goodie-2-shoes has let you down once again, and it was so fucking ungrateful of her, wasn’t it?  She hasn’t even given you a chance to get to know her and you have become the watcher in this whole mess.

I’m going to tell you something you are NOT going to like at all because you are hell bent on this girl.

Another will come along.  You have a hole in your heart that will mend when a new light will come. Wait for it.  It is the necessity of time. This new light will shine so bright, it will fill the hole, and it will blind you and wipe away any memory of the past.  It will consume you and you will not believe it at first that someone so amazing and pure could be before you. Get on with your life, your new job; a new opportunity to heal. Two things could then happen. You will either hear from her, or not.

Little Dude, I am trying to be sensitive toward you.  Sometimes I want to slap some sense into you (figuratively of course) but you’re doing a good job of beating yourself up all by yourself.  Don’t fall into the trap of “could have”, “would have”, “should have”.  Yes, these are the words of wisdom from the one called AlwaysCrushed.
(sidebar on your post – Man! I thought you were talking to me at first, until I re-read it – then I thought “whew!” why was I thinking this was ALL ABOUT ME AGAIN !?!?!?!?  Love ya kid – be good! /AC

Hey DrunkDude… I didn’t see that our AdventureGirl went camping this weekend. Could yesterday have been the moment of truth?... we will have to wait and see.
For I am AlwaysCrushed LOL