AG… I agree with DD, put the ‘other guy’ on the spot and ask him.  Better yet, if you’re as crazy as me, get his name and that should be easy to track him down in a different fashion… maybe facebook or something? Actually I did that with Pompous Ass… googled his name and found the clown on POF, then I signed up just for a lark and he was my only hit (go figure!). Just confirmed my belief THAT is the wrong venue to find guys.
DD… Dude, drinking is harsh man, please be careful as I especially found it hillarious when you stated you were “dinking” with your buddies (wow… not a pretty picture-LOL on the typo).
Ok, so DON’T do the movie thing. Dinner yes, movie NO. AND, please don’t let the beer calm your nerves - it won’t! Go for a walk in the park, feed the birds or squirrels, or if it’s too hot go to a mall where you’re not likely to bump into anyone either of you know. Movies are for people who have nothing to say to each other - trust me on this.  I think you need to talk and tell her your plans about going away. She might like the fact that there is distance - doesn’t absence make the heart grow fonder? You must be special to her, else why would the friendship flourish? It doesn’t really sound one-sided from what I’m gathering on your posts.
DD - sorry for sticking my two cents worth in because I know you don’t know me… Adventure Girl - do you agree with my comments here? Pls advise at your convenience :o)... AlwaysCrushed

I had this really huge post, but it got lost somewhere by the gremlins on the internet. It was too preachy anyway.
AG… I would put new guy on the spot and guilt him into a confession. Even if your courier-guy was shy, he may have at least passed a message along.
DD… Movies are OUT.  You two have too much to talk about. The out of reach for a year scenario might work for you from an “absence makes the heart grow fonder” aspect… wishful thinking perhaps?
Keep it going dude, and try to drop the ‘drunk’ from your name :o)

OMG… it was on the next page - whoops!
OK, so you know my preachy thoughts now, sorry about that! AC

AC,you are too funny.Great advice and i agree, DD, skip the movie for sure..dinner would be great cos..well, everyone loves dinner and you can chat and then afterwards give her some options. Depending on level of comfort, you go for either the standard(dinner and a walk by the lake, coffee and dessert cafe, or maybe even the MOVIE if you want a break from chatting ) or not so standard. Maybe you could give her the choice and then you could pick together after dinner..miniputt golfing, bowling, browsing bookshops or music stores or going to a concert or music type thing...just have some options and how to get to them ready.You two are going to have a great time and so much fun no matter what you do, i can almost guarantee it.DD, I am so sorry that you have to be away from her for a year but hear this, my friend.I have not seen my guy for about 6 weeks and my feelings for him have not cooled down one tiny bit,not one.When i see him next, I am going to find the guts to talk to him but AC is absolutely right, absence does make the heart grow much fonder(for you and her) and a year will fly by in about 2 minutes, you watch.And you always have e mail and phone. Listen, if i can hang in this long without resting my eyes on him(I won’t lie to you, its agony at its finest)then you will somehow manage too, even tho you guys have something more. I have to say, the overseas thing sounds very exciting, it might even be exciting enough to make the agony of her absence a little less, maybe (yeah, big, big maybe).Thanks for your feedback on my note and also for both of you thinking that he would have responded in some way if he got it, so maybe he did not get it, i never even thought of that til DD bought it up. I could ask dude #2 if he was sure he gave it to him (AC, not sure how to guilt it out of him) then ask him how his friend is doing . i am doing that next time i see him, come hell or highwater.Shit, I fantasized about my guy all weekend, non stop, you know what I mean? Delightful and painful at the same time.It was not a good scene. I can’t even remember what was in my headspace before he came along. What did I have in there before that was anywhere near so pleasant as him? Fuck,I can’t even remember what i used to think about before him. DD, you asked me what i did for a living(thanks, that was sweet).I am receptionist at a bank. My guy works for an amoured vehicle company(Brinks) that comes to our bank every day .What about you, what are you studying? AC, any words of further advice to both of us? I don’t have his name to google..i might ask dude #2 what my guys name is if the timing is right..i am thinking he is going to go back to my guy and say “ooh, she was asking about you again” like i need any more help in feeling like an idiot around them both. well, i’ll let you both know what happens. DD, looking forward to hearing about your weekend and how things went for you. best of luck to you both.  AG

Whew! AG ... I’m feelin’ for you. Reception is tough job, especially when you have to keep smiling and look pretty no matter what you’re feeling like and get your work done, and admire all the male eye candy you can handle LOL.
Ok, so I digressed a bit. I’m chuckling because I didn’t mean for you to do everything I suggested, I meant pick one you feel comfortable with (hope I’m not too late). But a Brinks guy? Maybe he thinks you’re after his money, or liked his gun a little too much (LMAO). Or perhaps he’s just gun shy. Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. You’re luck though, I seem to attract alcoholics, that’s why I’m trying to persuade DD to cool the drinking now while he can control it.
DD - Yeah, Loved AG’s comments on what to do with your special friend and how to decide. The only thing I would add is to make the decision together and you’ll both be content with the evening without pressure of feeling awkward. Be cool, be happy, and don’t forget to breath (or the tic tacs - LOL)... Take good care both of you - Warmest regards - AlwaysCrushed

Is it alright to crush on a two years younger than you guy and what kind of signs you might see when someone likes you?

Is it alright to crush on a two years younger guy and what kind of signs you might see when someone likes you?

Hello adventuregirl,
It’s funny you said you couldn’t remember what you used to think about before, because I can’t remember either. It made me realize than for the past year and a half, she was in my head constantly, and I mean constantly, like there’s not been 5 minutes I didn’t think about her. Wow, that is sick. Nothing else seems important anymore (not sure that’s a good thing). I used to do a lot of things, now I don’t do any of them anymore. Rarely do I see my friends, I quit my hockey team, had a really bad year in school (I’m studying engineering by the way), all I do all day long is think, think about her…her face, her smile, her laughs, her hands, her lips, her voice, her long black hair, think about where she could be right now, what she’s doing, does she ever think about me (doubt it...), sometimes I dream about her, like this past night, I had a dream she was there, don’t remember much now, but when I woke up, and before I realized that it was only a dream, I felt so happy for about 3 seconds. I stay up late every night on my laptop looking for something I don’t know what…I read and reread her old emails sometimes…Pathetic seriously. If somebody would have told me 2 years ago that this how it would be, I would have never believed him.
Anyway, Sunday is coming up fast, and I’m starting to get a bit anxious (and that says a lot cause normally I’m never nervous), I hope she still remembers (!!) she can change her mind in a split second too, that’s how she is, so…nothing’s ever a sure thing with this girl, and it makes me a little nervous. But still, if it’s not this Sunday, I’ll be the next, I don’t care I’m not letting this one slip that easy. By the way, thanks to both of you for great ideas.
AlwaysCrushed,
Drinking is what we poor college students do come weekends and summer vacations! What else do you want us to do? A picnic or something? But seriously, I’m not that much of a drinker so don’t you worry (and I’m starting to run low on cash too, so...). Thanks for your advice, helps a ton

DD - sorry to jump in ahead of AG here, but I know the feeling of “forgetting” everything else around you. Friends will come and go. Good Friends you can always go back to. BUT don’t drink alone (if you have to drink). I don’t understand the concept of drinking to relax. Most people I know now drink to forget… hmmm, now there’s a thought provoking reason, n’est pas? What you have is a new obsession and this too will pass.  You have to start asking yourself “what’s important for DD”? because after all is said and done, nobody will look after your needs but YOU. Always have a contingency plan Dude - think positively and good things WILL happen for you.
AG - you roc girl! Did you do anything this week to get closer to your money man?
Anticipating the news on both your wonderful adventures, AlwaysCrushed

angelconfuse… the age difference only matters if you are an adult and they are still a minor. There are many signs of knowing when someone likes you, and time will tell you this. I sense you are young. I know a grade 1 girl who knows a boy loves her because he gave her half a walnut shell. Gifts for no reason are a huge sign someone likes you. Smiling, talking, sharing - these too are signs - BUT there are so many kinds of “like” and so many kinds of “love” and one shouldn’t confuse the two - does this help? I hope so.
Good luck!

AlwaysCrushed, yeah, I know it looks like I am going to flashlight interrogate dude #2 with some tough questions but here is what i am going to ask him 1)How is his friend doing ? and 2) did my guy open my note?.I’ll see what he says..then I’ll release him. Your humourous support and advice is great for me and not-always drunk dude. I’ll let you know what happens. Has your next crush come along yet?

Drunk dude, my friend, good luck tomorrow, we are so rooting for you and sending good vibes your way. Don’t be too nervous, she already knows you, already likes you,you have nothing to prove. You are smart, talented (hey, you can draw!)funny and cool. Have fun, can’t go wrong with fun.AC and I are looking forward to hearing about it and are rooting for you, you know it. And try to get your life back,OK ? Trust me I know how hard it is, but try to think of other things sometimes, to give your poor heart a break. Get back into hockey..(guys who play hockey are seriously cool and attractive, in my opinion) and get back into school and friends. You will feel better about everything. We’ll chat soon. Angelconfuse, don’t mean to ignore you, I don’t know how old you are but maybe you could visit some age appropriaate sites and learn about guys, how they think and operate and dating . Good luck . Adventure girl.

Adventure Girl… would love to be a fly on the wall when you put the guy through the drill (LOL).
I just got back from an outdoor party with two live bands - had way too much fun and the music was awesome. I won a great prize too! Talk about your 6 degrees of separation. I had that going on all freakin’ night and yeah I did have an alterior motive—the lead singer (who has a great job, but not sure if he’s available). I can’t say it has reached crush status just yet. I haven’t asked enough questions to satify my curiosity.

Uh-oh… things are a little too quiet AdventureGirl.  Where has Drunk Dude gone?
One of the major search engines had suggestions on first dates today, but I can’t remember which one. I immediately thought of DD. Hmmm, where could he be?

Hi Guys,

I have been watching this conversation since it started.  It’s really great to see the dialogue that’s evolved since I originally wrote this piece.  I just want you guys to know that I’m rooting for you.

Evan Bailyn

UPS driver asked me if I was married. Told him no, but he has seen the man I am living with for 11 years. I like him very much, as he parks his Truck during break time around my house, and he waves at me when I see him on his route. He knows I am spoken for and my other half and I have a child together, not married.
I have been unhappy with my toxic relationship with my child’s father, and plan to end it. At times, I think, do I have a crush on this UPS guy because I am just unhappy with my realtionship.

I am heavily attracted to him, as he seems calm, and collected, and handsome.

My mate now, is tempermental, completely opposite from the UPS guy

AlwaysCrushed..i don’t know where he could be..maybe he’s had enough opening up for a while, time for some solitude, not sure..I do miss chatting with him tho. How are things with you and band leader guy..the newness of crushes are so nice, before they get to where they are hurting so enjoy that part. I have not had a chance to ask the other guy anything yet..the last few times some pesky interruptions(customers) were taking up my precious time so he went in and out, but not without a hi and bye..this buddy seems so nice that i find it hard to believe he did not give him the note, but enough speculating about my foolish crush already. Just hoping like crazy, crazy crazy, my guy will come back. Wasn’t it nice that Evan responded ? Wow..thanks for the rooting Evan.(And sorry for all the swearing in my posts..but sometimes a good expletive just fits, you know)) Good luck, AC, with your next “project”...I do visit sites that give insight into guys and why they do what they do and how they operate and what they mean when they do stuff..it’s fun but damn, it does’nt bring me any closer to my Brinks dude.Enough about me.( i always say that and then veer right back to my favourite subject)..Drunk dude, hope you are OK, drop us a goodbye before you take off overseas.Best wishes, AG

Hey AdventureGirl, yes Evan seems like a very caring human being. It is obvious by the way he has shown support and responsibility for starting such a successful blog. 
I am feeling for Drunk Dude right now, and being in limbo has me concerned, but maybe he is having network problems. Did he say when he was leaving? “Overseas” seems like a galaxy away.  Kind of like your man with the bullet-proof vest.  Speaking of uniformed men, “crush” seems to have herself in a bit of a predicament with the UPS guy.  Whew! All I can say is this to “crush” ... sometimes the grass looks greener, but tread carefully when dealing with a tempermental guy on this side. Things could certainly get ugly by the sounds of it.  Good luck “crush”
And AdventureGirl, wait for an opportune moment before you interrogate new guy. It hasn’t been the ‘right time’, so I guess you are going to have to be patient
Sorry for the ‘downer’ face… Warm regards,
AlwaysCrushed
ps… won’t see band-guy for a while, but his behaviour reminds me of the first time I met my late husband… my exact thoughts then were: “cute, but too hyper!” and my thoughts last week were: “cute, but too wild!” - he also sings slightly flat in some songs LOL Later-AC

Hi, I am back. Had a crappy week, didn’t feel like coming and complaining to you (again). My parents left for vacations. So, I’m home alone tonight, full moon illuminates my room and send my mind aflight. (just like that Incubus song, yay!) Thanks for thinking about me, very nice of you both.
I wish I could tell you, dear adventuregirl, that I had a blast with that “date”, but that’d be lying…yeah, there was no date, I don’t know…Couldn’t reach her, she disappeared, I guess she had other plans. It’s been a week since, and I have not heard a thing from her. I hate being annoying, so I did not call or email her since (why would I?). I mean, she doesn’t take me seriously, why am I even bothering…? Lame.
On top of that, I ran into her today while I was downtown. She was with some guy, the boyfriend or something…We talked for like 2 minutes, I played it cool as always, but damn was that the hardest thing to do. I knew about him, but knowing and seeing are two completely different things, believe me…Whatever
I cannot wait to get the hell out of here, I can’t take it anymore, I’m tired of this situation.
How are you doing?

O--M--G
DD, I am soooo sorry.
I’m going to let AG respond to you, then I’ll come back.

Oh man, drunk dude, that totally sucks. What a crappy time you must be going thru. I know how you are hurting like hell, trust me,I know it. Remember, you said in one of your posts that you thought something like this(her cancelling) would happen but then you would make it next Sunday or the one after that, remember? You should be really proud of your own good sense in not calling and emailing her too much afterwards and playing it cool when you saw her, that was totally the best thing you could have done. You can’t control her behaviour(which pissed me off, by the way, breaking a date with you and then not calling you after, i was seriously pissed off about that)or her feelings, you can’t make someone like you,(that way), you just can’t.But maybe she does like you and this is how she operates. Now,I think she will call sometime after her disappearing act, that’s what she usually does right ?, especially if you were cool to her.So what are you going to do? I am not going to tell you to forget about her or move on or get over her..that’s not going to happen any time soon. She has been part of your thoughts and life for the past 2 years so it’s going to take some real slow time to get her out of your head, if you even want her out of your head. And this overseas trip ?, well, you got yourself a lucky little break there, my friend, could’nt have come at a better time. I know, the pain is unbearable, i know it, but believe me when i tell you that after a while you won’t think about her for a few hours, then maybe a whole day and then maybe a week. And it won’t hurt so much.Trust me on this one. And all this sounds like i think its over, right, but i don’t think it’s over.I just want you to be OK over the next year.
And you probably don’t even want to get over her right? Well, when she calls, let her take the lead and suggest getting together and don’t say no but carry on with playing it cool.
I like that you do that, in fact you must be a pro at it by now. Does she know you are leaving for a year? Are you going to call her before you go? I know you are still crazy about her and nowhere near over her..don’t fight it, it’s no use.The pain will finds its way in and has to run its course and die a natural death.You can’t rush it. Oh and by the way, you may not have noticed this but there are TONS of beautiful, fun loving, sweet and nice girls out here, tons of them.And if this one was (is?) interested in you, then why would’nt some other ones be? You sound great to me. Yeah, you actually have some good stuff coming up in the year ahead to help you out. AlwaysCrushed is standing by, I’ll chat again soon, Adventuregirl.

Crush, don’t want to leave you out, we know what you are going thru. You know, a guy can act like he’s interested and maybe he is just being polite and nice as part of his job (like UPS guys can be).I don’t want to sound discouraging and your instincts will tell you if this is the case or if this guy is really into you.Anyway,you need to get rid of Mr. Toxic first, in any event, before you can even go for this guy. Yeah, i know easy for me to say, I don’t even know how you would go about that. i think your unhappiness is at the root of why this attraction means so much to you, if you take a good honest look at it. Take the step you need to take, your much improved future will look after itself. Best of luck with it all. I am just giving my best suggestions and advice.  Adventure Girl.

Kiaora from Aoteroa - big love to all people ‘crushing’ out there! Just think - all that collective energy must be making some waves in the world. Appreciation to this awsum space for sharing choice subjects that are real and honest, most gratefull.
crushes are amazing things! iv just recently had a baby, so its only now that im getting to re-explore the world again. I love my friend so much, total respect and adoration. For 4 years the crush for him has come in waves, and finally i confessed my love, my crazy feelings that were so irrational and felt utterly full of life. I only meant well, it came from a good place. Luckily for me he likes me too. Pitty about the implications of polyogamy and peoples pre-conceptions about it though. Iv kissed my crush, and if thats all i’ll get to experience, then it is a treasure i am so incredibly gratefull for, because it made me feel alive, and young, and naughty in a good way, and sexy again, and admired which is very flattering, and fufilled because i yearned it so much. Im yet to see him again. What happens when your feelings become reality? What next after the crush is no longer secret?
By the way - watch ‘the secret’, its life-affirming ;} Happy manifesting everyone.

Hi I am 12 yrs old and I have a huge crush on this guy(12) and neally half the girls in my class has a crush on him. He lives next door and his friends with ny older brother(13). It started when I was at when he first came in to my school. Please help me!

Adventuregirl,
I really liked your post; I think I read it at least ten times. You are so wise, that Brinks dude is missing on one hell of girl…I bet if he knew you he would be crying right about now for not responding!
Don’t hate her though, it’s not her fault you know. It’s no big deal for her and I don’t blame her, how could I? She doesn’t owe me anything (I owe her actually…a lot). For her we’re only friends. I mean, I too, at some point in time, told one of my friends “I’ll be there” and then did not come, and we’re totally cool, it’s nothing. So I can’t be mad at her or anything, cause that’s what we are “just friends”, great right. I understand that, I do, in fact I understand the whole thing, everything’s pretty clear in my head. She’s way out of my league let’s face it…It’s just a matter of accepting it. But you’re right, I don’t want to let her go, forget about her, get over her, whatever, I don’t want that at all…I feel like there will never be anyone like her, not even close. And even though it hurt like hell sometimes, I prefer that than not having her around at all. It’s so fucked up, it makes no fucking sense..!
But it’s fine, I’m fine. I hate complaining and I don’t think I have the right to, after all, I have already so much in my life…I have a home, a family, friends, I’m healthy, I go to college. I am so lucky, seriously. There are so many people out there wishing they had half of what I have…and look at me…whining because of some girl, how selfish.
Anyway, what are you up to these days? How’s work? I’m sorry I did not respond earlier, I was at a concert the other day and there were so many people smoking weed around me, I think I was high just cause of the smoke (I don’t smoke), was sick the day after, the concert kicked ass though!
Hope you’re alright. Later.