Narcissism And Peter Pan Syndrome
A classic characteristic of Peter Pan Syndrome is narcissism. The truth about Peter Pans is that they are self-absorbed, but not in the negative, uncaring way that narcissism connotes. They simply feel a dreamy, imaginative comfort inside of their own minds – an attraction to introspection that is positive and well-meaning.
Everyone has some level of self-involvement. After all, life is constantly impacting us and is impossible to ignore. We experience emotions, sensations, desires, and the sense of our own mortality. Although other people play a crucial role in our lives, we cannot possibly relate to them as well as we can to ourselves. Their feelings cannot resonate in our nerve centers in the same way our feelings can. Thus, we must dwell on ourselves from time to time.
Peter Pans accept this reality but enjoy it more than most. They live vicariously through their own lives as if they were the protagonist of a story. Their relationship with themselves is like a reader’s relationship with a sympathetic narrator.
Yet “narcissisism” with all of its unpleasant connotations continues to be the word of choice for describing Peter Pan Syndrome. It makes sense that the same people that consider childlike characteristics a “syndrome” would err in their characterization of Peter Pans. Many of the people who disseminate knowledge in our society - especially psychologists, journalists, and religious leaders - are set on standardizing people’s lives and minds. They have lost touch with the unbridled imaginational freedom of childhood; the very concept that life’s possibilities may be endless stands in stark contrast to their work.
Ultimately, most people do succumb to the prescribed order of things, forgetting what they knew as an idealistic child. But that is why it is so important to have a subset of people who draw from their own raw, creative energy to remind us of how colorful life really is.
Narcissism translated as inspired self-immersion, as it is with Peter Pans, is not only positive, but necessary to our world. When life seems to have lost its original purpose amongst societal responsibilities, a connection with the vast and limitless mindscape of childhood may be the only antidote.
44 Comments
Wow- is all I can say! My discovery of this syndrome is a result of trying to figure iout my 20 yo son who refuses to get a job, does not have a car, no money and expects me to still pay for his cell phone and cook his meals. He is a social butterfly, but at times manic depressive- we might be kicking him out soon for a wake up call. I need to read as much as I can about this and need HELP and ADVICE on what to DO with him!?
Am I doing the right thing by “making him” grow up? He is not at all interested in college- his life is a constant party- yet he is bright!
He has never held a job more than 3 months.
This is very helpful and reminds me of someone I dated and deeply loved. However, he had PPS so eventually I “disappointed” him. I wonder if it is ever possible for the Peter Pan type to have a successful, long-term love relationship…
I am so happy i found this!
Thank you so much Evan, you have no idea what relief i felt after reading what you wrote and what other people commented. Im a teenager and i find that i can consider myself a “peter pan”. i have no interests in the “normal” world besides reading, writing, music, and daydreaming. Im lucky to have friends but at times i find that i lack the ability to communicate with them at times and have found myself feeling alone and misunderstood.
Alexander, I would love to be able to contact you, because you just told the world my secret.
Peter Pan “Syndrome” is the best thing that ever happened to me. I had never heard of it before, but, as I was on Wikipedia studying Sociology for a test, I stumbled across it. I say, Peter Panning ROCKS! I saw your site link on wikipedia, and thought that it was just another stupid link to an “info site” - you know, the type that only tells the “facts”? Boy, was I surprised! I started reading and couldn’t stop! Everything you say describes me, Evan. Thanks. Can someone please blog? I need a response. I don’t know anyone with PPS, and I can’t fit in anywhere. Please blog!
Alexander, I feel just the same way as you do, including the straight/gay thing. It’s good to know I’m not the only one with this type of “condition”. I’m in my early 20s and I don’t know what I am going to do as I get older. I’m still a child in the head in the good meaning of the word.
I just feel quite alone and that forces me even deeper in my imaginative worlds where all are happy and where there’s magic, love, peace, quiet and all those things.
Please tell me how can I contact you.
-Dimitri
Welcome, Dimitri! I often feel alone and un-noticed, rejected. I’m only 14, but I this is the age that most kids start to lose that extra something, that child in them, and grow up. I haven’t. I still draw fairies, talk to my stuffed animals, and dream of far off places. Thanks for the blog!
I would like to admit that I really have PETER PAN SYNDROME (Or WENDY SYNDROME 
That is, I don’t want to grow up ! I just can’t imagine people in my age bracket already getting into motherhood, fatherhood, and all these adult things. As for me, sometimes I just want my Mommy and my Daddy with me. Hahaha I would like a man who will kiss me and provide me with everything I need. And he wouldn’t mind for as long as I am happy. He would be security, stability, and guarantee. I am just so desperate at this point for a fine, fine man !
Sheena, maybe I could be that guy! I have looked everywhere for a girl who is like me, but to no avail. Write me at mr_mouse@verizon(dot)net if you think you would like more personal detail, but just think, we could be Wendy and Peter!
To Alexander…
You are not entirely alone (at least I think). Although I haven’t really wondered whether I was gay or not, I can maybe sympathize with your problem with girls. I have gone from girl to girl and although I loved them, I couldn’t get into the having sex thing. It was what adults do (I felt) and not really something I could actually get my head around. I would go from girl to girl I guess to try and find the right one, but this didn’t happen. They wanted it and I didn’t. I remember saying to one on the phone that I didn’t love her anymore. I liked her (I told her). I thought that to like a girl was more special than to love one as in school, if you felt strong feelings for a girl you would say that you like them and that was enough. The phone conversation was practically the end I guess. I wish I had have explained what I really meant to her now, but I was younger then and not as in command of the language as today. Anyway, I don’t know if you relate in any way to what I have written here. We are all different, or individuals, after all, but I hope you don’t feel too alone.
Finally! I’m not the only one. All of this is so familiar to me. I have Peter Pan Syndrome and am proud of it. And I will Never ever EVER “grow up”. Infact I just hate that phrase. I am 13 and despise being called a teenager but now I feel safe knowing that there are others like me and I don’t have to grow up.
Hi Junior. I remember crying on my 13th birthday because I really didn’t want to be a teenager. Now that’s dedication to childhood for you. Damn right, you never have to grow up.
Hi i just discovered about peter pan syndrome this week while reading the news paper. I’m 29 now and was stunned / slightly frightened of what i read since it described both my way of thinking and the evolution i followed to perfection. I’m not sure how to feel about this, i never understood why i was the only one trying or wanting to see the best out of every situation, to try and be/act happy as much as possible. I’ve always avoided responsibility for fear of getting trapped in obligations which it would be impossible to free myself of. Now i feel as though i’ve found people just like me who want to see the world as endless possibilities waiting to be discovered but at the same time there is a part of me wondering if i should seek help for this “syndrome”. Any thought would be greatly appreciated, i feel pretty alone in this and don’t want to share what i found with the people in my life.
I thought this was interesting because I date a Peter Pan. I am not a Wendy either and it has taken a lot of work. We love eachother and I sometimes have a hard time understanding his need to be taken care of. I had him move out this year because I couldn’t support him and me. He is now living in a chocolate factory with a friend for chores in exchange for room and board.
Oh to be that carefree at 46. No home, no real job just the pursuit of pleasure…
I’m not sure if any one will read this and give me a response but:
My wife was told by her psychiatrist that I fit in to this category, “self loathing narcissist with peter pan syndrome”. Although I admit my self esteem can be fragile at times, I don’t thin he realizes that I have infact acheived a great deal. My pursuit is not easy either.
I am twenty eight and currently pursuing a career in professional longboarding. The thing is that I am actually doing rather well. I have acomplished big things and I am becoming rather well recognized through out the sport.
In fact I have garnered an unprecedented (in our sport} amount of magazine coverage over that past year. I am also talking about partnering up with a charity foundation to work with them to raise money for their cancer research. They contacted me.
Can it not be possible that my pursuit is not that of living in a fantasy world but rather that I have merely chosen a very difficult career in being an athlete/ marketing This job itself isn’t a dead end either I am gaining tons of experience in promotions, event management, film making and maketing & branding.
Should I seek counseling? May it encourage me to lose touch with my goals?
I think I have Peter Pan Syndrome too… the good kind.
I am very happy to have found this site. I can now understand what kind of person I am. I don’t want to grow up, I don’t want a sexual partner, I don’t want a house, and I don’t care if people think I’m crazy or not. All I want to do is draw cartoons and write stories. I want to play. I don’t want to get old and frumpy with a husband and 2.5 kids. I want an eternal childhood. I want a platonic partner. I want happiness from having fun and creating art. If there is a cure to PPS, I don’t want to take it.
Reading your passage, it gives me a tingly feeling. I don’t know why Peter Pan Syndrome is described in such a way. Those that don’t have this syndrome in my opinion are missing out on something huge in their lives. Such as magic, wonders of life and things that most people say that don’t exist. But to a Peter Pan, they can experience it. I’m only 17 and I already feel that I want to stay a kid forever. Sometimes I feel so apart from people in this fast paced world because I feel so far behind as everyone continues to live and grow. I may be left behind, but I’m still enjoying myself. And that’s okay.
I certainly have this syndrome. I haven’t ever heard of this before, but it does explain so much. I’m not very happy to discover that “my unique ways” are just symptoms of a syndrome, but I am very happy to hear my narcissism isn’t the worst kind.
Do you think I should go for a psychiatrist, so it could be confirmed or something? If there is a treatment I’m sure I don’t want it. I think I have so much better times being Peter Pan than living in this bad world in “normal way”.