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Narcissism And Peter Pan Syndrome

Written by Evan Bailyn on 10/29 at 09:04 PM

A classic characteristic of Peter Pan Syndrome is narcissism.  The truth about Peter Pans is that they are self-absorbed, but not in the negative, uncaring way that narcissism connotes.  They simply feel a dreamy, imaginative comfort inside of their own minds – an attraction to introspection that is positive and well-meaning. 

Everyone has some level of self-involvement.  After all, life is constantly impacting us and is impossible to ignore.  We experience emotions, sensations, desires, and the sense of our own mortality.  Although other people play a crucial role in our lives, we cannot possibly relate to them as well as we can to ourselves.  Their feelings cannot resonate in our nerve centers in the same way our feelings can.  Thus, we must dwell on ourselves from time to time. 

Peter Pans accept this reality but enjoy it more than most.  They live vicariously through their own lives as if they were the protagonist of a story.  Their relationship with themselves is like a reader’s relationship with a sympathetic narrator. 

Yet “narcissisism” with all of its unpleasant connotations continues to be the word of choice for describing Peter Pan Syndrome.  It makes sense that the same people that consider childlike characteristics a “syndrome” would err in their characterization of Peter Pans.  Many of the people who disseminate knowledge in our society - especially psychologists, journalists, and religious leaders - are set on standardizing people’s lives and minds. They have lost touch with the unbridled imaginational freedom of childhood; the very concept that life’s possibilities may be endless stands in stark contrast to their work. 

Ultimately, most people do succumb to the prescribed order of things, forgetting what they knew as an idealistic child.  But that is why it is so important to have a subset of people who draw from their own raw, creative energy to remind us of how colorful life really is.

Narcissism translated as inspired self-immersion, as it is with Peter Pans, is not only positive, but necessary to our world.  When life seems to have lost its original purpose amongst societal responsibilities, a connection with the vast and limitless mindscape of childhood may be the only antidote.

30 Comments

Posted by Jenny on 01/17 at 06:55 AM

I certainly have this syndrome. I haven’t ever heard of this before, but it does explain so much. I’m not very happy to discover that “my unique ways” are just symptoms of a syndrome, but I am very happy to hear my narcissism isn’t the worst kind.
Do you think I should go for a psychiatrist, so it could be confirmed or something? If there is a treatment I’m sure I don’t want it. I think I have so much better times being Peter Pan than living in this bad world in “normal way”.

Posted by Cindy on 01/21 at 09:27 AM

Wow- is all I can say! My discovery of this syndrome is a result of trying to figure iout my 20 yo son who refuses to get a job, does not have a car, no money and expects me to still pay for his cell phone and cook his meals.  He is a social butterfly, but at times manic depressive- we might be kicking him out soon for a wake up call.  I need to read as much as I can about this and need HELP and ADVICE on what to DO with him!?
Am I doing the right thing by “making him” grow up?  He is not at all interested in college- his life is a constant party- yet he is bright!
He has never held a job more than 3 months.

Posted by abfp21 on 01/25 at 08:43 PM

This is very helpful and reminds me of someone I dated and deeply loved.  However, he had PPS so eventually I “disappointed” him.  I wonder if it is ever possible for the Peter Pan type to have a successful, long-term love relationship…

Posted by Magy on 07/02 at 02:52 PM

I am so happy i found this!
Thank you so much Evan, you have no idea what relief i felt after reading what you wrote and what other people commented. Im a teenager and i find that i can consider myself a “peter pan”. i have no interests in the “normal” world besides reading, writing, music, and daydreaming. Im lucky to have friends but at times i find that i lack the ability to communicate with them at times and have found myself feeling alone and misunderstood.

Posted by Mr_MOuSe on 07/16 at 12:25 AM

Alexander, I would love to be able to contact you, because you just told the world my secret.

Posted by Tinker Bell on 09/18 at 08:42 AM

Peter Pan “Syndrome” is the best thing that ever happened to me. I had never heard of it before, but, as I was on Wikipedia studying Sociology for a test, I stumbled across it. I say, Peter Panning ROCKS! I saw your site link on wikipedia, and thought that it was just another stupid link to an “info site” - you know, the type that only tells the “facts”? Boy, was I surprised! I started reading and couldn’t stop! Everything you say describes me, Evan. Thanks. Can someone please blog? I need a response. I don’t know anyone with PPS, and I can’t fit in anywhere. Please blog!

Posted by Dimitri on 09/23 at 01:32 AM

Alexander, I feel just the same way as you do, including the straight/gay thing. It’s good to know I’m not the only one with this type of “condition”. I’m in my early 20s and I don’t know what I am going to do as I get older. I’m still a child in the head in the good meaning of the word.
I just feel quite alone and that forces me even deeper in my imaginative worlds where all are happy and where there’s magic, love, peace, quiet and all those things.
Please tell me how can I contact you.
-Dimitri

Posted by Tinker Bell on 09/27 at 12:25 PM

Welcome, Dimitri! I often feel alone and un-noticed, rejected. I’m only 14, but I this is the age that most kids start to lose that extra something, that child in them, and grow up. I haven’t. I still draw fairies, talk to my stuffed animals, and dream of far off places. Thanks for the blog!

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