Narcissism And Peter Pan Syndrome
A classic characteristic of Peter Pan Syndrome is narcissism. The truth about Peter Pans is that they are self-absorbed, but not in the negative, uncaring way that narcissism connotes. They simply feel a dreamy, imaginative comfort inside of their own minds – an attraction to introspection that is positive and well-meaning.
Everyone has some level of self-involvement. After all, life is constantly impacting us and is impossible to ignore. We experience emotions, sensations, desires, and the sense of our own mortality. Although other people play a crucial role in our lives, we cannot possibly relate to them as well as we can to ourselves. Their feelings cannot resonate in our nerve centers in the same way our feelings can. Thus, we must dwell on ourselves from time to time.
Peter Pans accept this reality but enjoy it more than most. They live vicariously through their own lives as if they were the protagonist of a story. Their relationship with themselves is like a reader’s relationship with a sympathetic narrator.
Yet “narcissisism” with all of its unpleasant connotations continues to be the word of choice for describing Peter Pan Syndrome. It makes sense that the same people that consider childlike characteristics a “syndrome” would err in their characterization of Peter Pans. Many of the people who disseminate knowledge in our society - especially psychologists, journalists, and religious leaders - are set on standardizing people’s lives and minds. They have lost touch with the unbridled imaginational freedom of childhood; the very concept that life’s possibilities may be endless stands in stark contrast to their work.
Ultimately, most people do succumb to the prescribed order of things, forgetting what they knew as an idealistic child. But that is why it is so important to have a subset of people who draw from their own raw, creative energy to remind us of how colorful life really is.
Narcissism translated as inspired self-immersion, as it is with Peter Pans, is not only positive, but necessary to our world. When life seems to have lost its original purpose amongst societal responsibilities, a connection with the vast and limitless mindscape of childhood may be the only antidote.
44 Comments
I just discovered your site in my quest for self-discovery. I can so relate to being a peter pan type! I can get so lost in my head and be quite content there, to the detriment of my social skills with friends and work colleagues. In my head, I am the centre of my own universe, the breakout star. In “reality” I am a very successful peter pan overachiever and have to work so very hard at interacting with people I find a bit disappointing (they’re my age but seem much much older). Before discovering this site, I had come to the conclusion that everyone disappointed me eventually. That made beginning new relationships (friendship and or love) impossible. I long to have people in my life who have a wonder about the world as I do. Any advice on how to relate to non-peterpan people and how to find other peterpans?
oh i love this! thank you so much for sharing it with us.
Well done, Sir! I would argue parallel that perhaps narcissism isn’t all that bad to begin with. After all, in a world with so many people, in a country so hellbent on competition and success, perhaps there is a natural element of mental survival that products narcissism. While the old adage that nobody is perfect is certainly true, it is each individual’s perception of themselves, especially in comparison to others, that produce a positive sense of self because it is necessary to believe in success before one can achieve it. Your thoughts?
To the man who feels lost in his head but antisocial. In retrospect, yes you fall into this type. However, I too fell on this site for self discovery. My version is the same thoughts as you in my head but not antisocial. As a matter of fact, I feel loved by everyone and know almost everyone. I have a best friend and all. However, it is so weird. I can walk into a store somewhere and it feels like I’m the president becuase I know everyone and everyone wants to say hi and likes me but yet they each have their own relationships and close friendships and stuff and I go home feeling like I’m a part of everyone’s life but yet still alone. In other words, I only get to a certain level with those people, the same level a celebrity would. Loved, but not truly loved or they truly don’t get to know me know me. Ah, I don’t know, but I do know that I am definitely a Peter Pan, and it has its ups and downs, but its me.
hi wala lang naisip ko lang mag type hehehee
Evan, you have a nice face.
thanks for all the help now i know what my ex has!!!
It only makes sense that my world should revolve around me. It is a catch 22. If my world revolves areound me I’m narcissitic, if my world were to relvolve areound you, I am then considered codependent.
Peter to the Core, I totally agree with you, people my age seem so much older than me, and since I act like someone who is “younger” than them, they usually avoid contact with me, treating me like an odd creature. I usually hang out with people younger than me so people my age think Im even more awkward. Evan, thanx for this, now I know why people say Im too self-centered (I felt guilty because of that, which couldnt mean I was being selfish), you made me realize Im not an evil villain who wants world domination. Thank you.
i love peter pan and i am in the process of writting a sew\quil 2 it and whene tinker bell died i cryied so hard|)
Evan
- you are beyond wise - & a great communicator.
I was told by a Counsellor: “I indulge myself in introspectivity….”
HA!
i thooughly enjoyed reading your thoughts on this matter…i know that i, myself, “suffer” from this “Syndrome”. But i agree in what you say that it is sometimes the only escape. I appear to be…or at least i attempt to look as child like as possible to match my innocent mind set. I would love to hear from you. THX. 
until now I thought I was the only one with Peter Pan syndrome… now THAT is self indulging !! rofl
thanks so much for posting this it has helped me understand so much more about myself, and my brother, and the way we both look at the world.
I could not agree more - even through people often consider only the negative meaning of “narcissisism” - missing the point that after all one should make sure that everything goes well for himself / herself
Hi, i’m recearching peter pan syndrome for a school project. Please could any 1 with any info post a comment on this site and i will check on it later. Thank you,
qwerty6
Thanks for the insight into this syndrome. Someone asked me to describe myself with one word last week. I replied, “Introspective.” Do I have this syndrome?” Sure. I was a little unnerved by the narcissic thing as I never considered that aspect. However, you put it in a most positive light that definitely sheds light on my personality. Thanks again.
During an interview with a psychiatrist, I was asked if I thought that this condition applied to me. Not knowing the definition at the time, I replied “I’m not sure”(trying not to appear ignorant). After doing the research, some things did seem familiar.
I’ve noticed that some of the commentators seemed proud to claim this malady. I think that a narcissist might find pride in being disabled with something serious, but I myself am not comfortable with my response to this discovery.
Either way, I don’t want to take this too seriously. At this point, I just want to compare it to a literary character and that’s all.
Good luck to all the Peter Pans out there.
hi i am 14 years old and i have my own worlds type thing. when i’m awake i’m just a person living but when i go to sleep and dream or just daydream or write(i love to write stories!) i am a different person or a spectator like reading a story. these places are all different and some look like ours and are in the same time but most arnt. (hopefully this might make sence.) my dreams are very vivid. when i daydream its like i fall off the planet and go to a different place, my minds voice sounds louder and i am unaware of being -Elsewhere- as i call it or in Fairyland as my friends call it. I always long for an Adventure dream at night where i can forget everything and be with interesting people doing great things in cool places far beond anywhere on this earth, most of my Adventure dreams i half remember having when i was very small so they sort of came from a child and were given to me? i am not sure if this has anything to do with Peter Pan syndrome but i love anything fantasy and different. Elsewhere sort of reminds me of Neverland except Elsewhere changes all the time. thankyou. im sorry if this is just a load of nonsence.
I think that everybody has Peter Pan Syndrome but they don’t show it in their daily physical lives. Otherwise how could they escape to their dreamworld at night?
i suppose most ppl could identify with the peter pan syndrome, even myself. I find that those who are so very intrenched in this “syndrome”, often are alone among their peers, partially due to their inability to be “normal” and a great sensitivity and longing for love, freedom and childhood. In later years those i have encountered with this “sydrome” may have severe fluxes of depression, regret, happiness among a slew of emotions caused by their painful transition and also by social restrictions that, when left unfollowed, socially iscolate “peter pan”, as he/she is constantly reminded by those around them that there is no such place as never land .
“On these magic shores children at play are for ever beaching their coracles. We too have been there; we can still hear the sound of the surf, though we shall land no more.”
and this really sucks.
Thank you so much for creating this website and for capturing the Peter Pan Syndrome in a light that is less harsh than the other sites I’ve visited on this topic. I remember as a teenager finding the book about Peter Pan syndrome in my local libray and it seemed to glow as I read it. Though something of it seemed to resonant in me, it largely left me feeling like I was just turning pages, like the cover of the book with its picture and summary seemed to say “less is more.”
Now, I find myself in my 30’s and the number seems to be just that, a number. But just as aware as I am about the way I perceive myself, I have also come to see the ways that others see me and this doesn’t feel so good. Though I used to work with children and was quite happy, I have tried to more closely match the people around me who have familys and careers so I left my job and went to school. Now I am completing my master’s degree in counseling and though I should be happy, I can’t help but feel that ever since I began trying to fit in, that the life has been slowly draining out of me. It feels now like I exist in a world between the children who I once worked so well with, and the world of work and family. When I get the opportunity to work with children, such as babysitting my nephews, I’ve realized that I am pushing them to grow up and when I am at school or where I work now, I feel that so much of what people do and say seems silly. It just seems to me that their priorities are out of whack and they do all this “stuff” that takes all this “time” to finish and then they come away feeling important. I feel pressured to join in their drama, even though it makes me yawn alot, but I learned a long time ago that being different makes you stand out and I stand out enough in my day to day interactions with others so I don’t need to draw anymore of that kind of attention. I hate feeling like there is something wrong with me, but this feeling is hard to counter when I’m aware that very little has changed of my self concept since I was a kid. What that is like is as follows. I love reading and watching movies and imagining that take me out of this world and to a place where the “magic” still is. Everything feels so much more vivid there, less tainted by the light of reason that thinks things to death by tearing it apart. love is love and hate is hate and they mean just that and nothing more. It’s a knowing that spreads throughout your body and it’s not someone or something telling what to feel or how to feel it. You just know it. Back in this world, I can relate to others of their dreams and longings and fears, but only up to a certain point or a certain age I’d say. I still haven’t reached that point where boys become interested in girls in more than a Platonic way. I do have crushes on girls, but then again, I also have crushes on other boys. I tried to make sense of this latter fact by thinking I might be gay and I even tried to experiment sexually with another guy, but I learned that my crush didn’t extend beyond admiring him and wanting to be liked by him. This made it very uncomfortable for me as I realized that he liked me in a way that made me feel uncomfortable. I don’t think I’d have minded playing doctor, you know exploring bodies and feelings, but he tried to take it to someplace I totally didn’t want to go to. It just felt alien. Not really fitting into the straight or gay crowd has really been hard for me because I’ve found it hard to find friends that understand me and won’t try to do things that make me very nervous and grossed out about. I apologize for making this post so long, but I am hoping that there are others who can tell me I’m not alone here. I look forward to continue reading on this site and welcome any more information and support that comes my way.
-Alex
Thank you pointing out with words what
I have believed for years. I kind of like it and kind of wanted to keep thinking
I was the only one who had really figured it out. Thank you for sharing the secret. But does it have to be a part of self absorbtion, I don’t like how that looks or feels. And yes I am fully aware I have said “I” five times in this posting.
I think the peter pan syndrome exist in each and everyone of us. To be a child forever with the wisdom of adulthood is one of the charming traits I have seen in people and they make for vibrant personality. To be a child means you retain a traits of inquisitiveness, curiosity, enthusiasm and unbridled imagination which somehow gets lost in the humdrum of mundane adulthood and responsibility. It is break out of robotism which defines modern world. To view the world with new eyes without the nagging cynicism is the quality that one should retain eternally.
my thoughts manifested in your writing. but we, do you beleive “education” is important for a world in hell born of heaven? i mean everyone is alright as it is but i guess its just a matter of whether they are aware of it . self destruction is fed to the masses daily, but that same force can become love. i hate words and thier implications and the fact that they cannot convey accurate descriptions of feelings and being. ACK!