How Can I Improve My Relationships?
People who know themselves intimately well can meet and embrace potential partners much more easily than those with an unclear vision of themselves.
If you conceal your feelings from the people you speak to everyday, it is likely that you are out of touch with yourself. Hiding your insecurities from others is almost always a sign that you are hiding those same issues from yourself.
Naturally, it cannot be expected that you walk around like an open book; and the ultimate goal isn’t to do so. Rather, it is to be able to acknowledge your weaknesses so that one day you can select the person who best complements you and have a more stable relationship.
Think of something you hide from others - something that, if it were to ever become known to people outside your family, you would be mortified. That is the issue you need to concentrate on. If you subconsciously deal with this issue on a regular basis, but have never said it out loud, you are not much further along than someone who cannot identify the issue at all. In order to relieve yourself of this weighty burden, you need to outwardly admit what you are feeling: either write it down, or say it out loud. Nobody needs to be around when you are coming to terms with your private feelings. But putting them into words will cause you to see them in a realistic, purifying light.
Do this whenever you catch yourself feeling down but can’t quite explain why. Search first for the immediate stimulus of your bad mood. Perhaps you are worried that you gained weight, or didn’t get a phone call you were expecting, or took offense to a comment someone made to you. Question why that incident might have triggered your mood. A larger insecurity usually lurks behind.
After you have been recognizing the causes of your moods for a while, little things will begin to affect you less. Routinely investigating your feelings in this manner allows you to form a closer relationship with yourself.
Eventually, this awareness will allow you to understand your connection with others better. When a fight arises with a significant other, you will be able to communicate exactly why you feel hurt. As an introspective person , you will have the intuition to understand your partner’s emotions as well. It will be far easier to interpret and resolve the conflict, as well as to assess your ultimate compatibility with that person. All of this comes from making a conscious effort to understand yourself.
17 Comments
the first lines…thats what happend to me. evan, i just dont know who to turn to. i told you i was married but decided to divorce. in my quest to find myself i found out that i cannot give myself in a relationship. sexualism is impossible, and it never has been the same since my childhood. life has never been the same. as a child i was an adult…now i need my innerchild to survive in daily life. its not to combine with a relationship for me. i printed a few of your articles and consult your site olmost daily to get some grip on my life. no-one but you understands what pps feels like. thats why i turn to you. do you know any other real peter pans, and if so, could you tell me how to get in touch with my fellow sufferers? i have loving people around me but even after explaining pps, im still lonely in this…
i really hope to hear from you…
love, nora gem
i love meeting people
When I am fustrated with my parents, I do not fully realize my thoughts. After my rampage, I then realize my thoughts were not rational. To all those people out there, try to listen to the person and compromise.
Fights and arguments are definately hard times to be conscious of anything other than our rage, let alone our inner feelings and emotions. I think that we can train for this when we aren’t heated. You can meditate and breathe and observe your mind and see what you think about and why you think about it. You can change your nature from someone who doesn’t pay attention to yourself, to someone who does.
And always have confidence. Don’t be selfish, don’t be cocky, but be confident in yourself, because if you don’t, you’ll be afraid of what you find in your mind, and you’ll only do yourself more harm by pushing it deeper.
this hot guy in my class thinks im a total nerd but i think im pretty on the inside out but this girl he knows is in love with him and he is in love with her i can totally tell i want to be his friend but he ignores me what should i do?
I tend to avoid people because I fear I’ll be rejected or hurt (it should be a trauma for being psycologically bullied as a kid…)anyway, what can I do to overcome this fear?
I’ve met a lot of people who set out to do what I do, but many fail. I show people what a true friend is… someone dependable and really there for you to listen or help out in any way possible. I help people cope with their fears and insecurities… I give them confidence… all it takes is time to open their eyes and see themselves for the beautiful people they are
sometimes in life… all you need is that one true friend
I’m constantly disappointed by people as well, but I still hold my position and don’t waver because you’ve gotta treat people the way you would like to be treated and not always treat people the way you are treated
ummmm… hi im new lol ...ok im so galise cause my friend is dating a prson that i love grrrr i was so mad and there still togetherat lest im not a loner because my ture friend dosint have one two ... yeah i dont have one
sorry but can one of you people say your age sorry cerious
(lol)
haha
I’m 21 turning 22 in August
I am in a long distance relationship with someone that I feel has the Peter Pan syndrome. My childhood was not the best and the exact opposite of what I want for my children (married 12 yrs, 3 children and now divorced). We have been seeing each other for about 9 months and even though we get along great when we’re together, he doesn’t give me the same when we’re apart and it’s getting to the point where I’m frustrated, I don’t trust him and I’m not sure if I want to follow through with this relationship. Although I’m a very loving person who treats others the way I want to be treated, I’m not sure I have the capacity at this time in my life to continue. Do you have any advice?
My boyfriend and I have been together for five months. We saw each other last summer on this short, dolphin-watch boat in the keys. But then, neither of us had enough courage to talk to each other. Then somehow found each other online, and didn’t notice we actually saw each other until about 3 months into the relationship. We live at quite a distance. And sometimes it just seems like it’s impossible. We live several states apart-same time zone, Completely different lifes. But we love each other… I got my cell phone taken away from talking to him so much/so late. But we’ve still talked… barely but at least 3 times a week now. And if he isn’t grounded from the computer/phone practically once every day. And I easily get hurt if we don’t talk at least once a day. I find it sad and inappropriate behavior of myself. I want to fix the rough patches that seem to be happening the past month on and off. And I have no clue how it’s not arguing or anything like that, it’s just complicating I guess you could say in other words.
Do you have any advice you wouldn’t mind sharing or something?
Thank you so much if you do.
And just overall thank you for taking your time reading this.
Thanks for the site, Evan! Thank you so much!
Everyone goes through this stage when they go to the university. It happened to me as well. Your mom is motivated by fear. She is very afraid of what will happen to you such as drinking, failing, eating disorders, bad relationships with men, and other such common disasters. So she tries to control you. This happens to every person as they leave home and their parent is terrified something bad will happen.
However, it is totally inconvenient for you. When you are at home, you will just have to tell her where you are going, and when you might be expected to return. Be completely open with her, and eventually she will learn to trust your judgment. Be aware that when you are living in her home, you do have to respect the fact that it is her home, and that means respecting her schedule. For example, she can’t sleep until she knows you are home, so don’t stay out until 3am. You can do that at the uni, but you can’t do that to your mom. You just need to accept that and you will understand why when you have your own kids.
It sounds like you are taking the right steps. Just tell her that you know she is concerned. Ask if she would like to tell you what she is concerned about, and just sit and listen. Once you know what she is concerned about, ask her how you can make her feel more confident in your choices in each area. Then explain to her that you are moving toward indepenndence and you need her to give you more trust.
good luck
Im afraid I can´t really agree with you Sir.
When the fear is something deeper as a phobia and the phobia is loosing someone or phobia of being betrayed. Then it is so hard to function properly no matter how much you work on it. I´ve tried for years, and the poor men I´ve meet have not had a chance to begin with. I love people around me, still I never trust them to stand by my side as they promise. I still love em though, but if I dont expect anything then I can´t be dissapointed. That way of thinking works poorly in a relationship though. I have troubles, I know it, I warn poor boyfriends about it and then they get the ride of their lives. Small problems might be abled to be handled as you describe, big ones, no I can´t agree with you!