Does True Love Really Exist?
The question of whether true love really exists cannot be answered without first clarifying what true love really is. However, the concept of “true love” has already absorbed so many qualities from literature, television, and magazines that it can no longer be approached with any objectivity. Trying to consider true love freshly at this point would be like trying to taste a wine while you are eating a hot dog.
The image that comes to mind when someone mentions true love is of two inspired individuals, fatefully drawn to each other and ready to risk their lives for the other person’s sake - in essence, Romeo and Juliet. Despite the prevalence of this perception, I have never actually witnessed such a perfect relationship in real life. The closest thing I can think of is something I term “pure love”: love that contains the boundless excitement that only a child can experience.
Pure love happens to some people many times, to others only once, and to still others not at all. The ability to experience pure love depends upon the strength of your idealism. You are more likely to feel it if you are a fourteen year-old girl who believes in fairies, and less likely if you are a forty year-old investment banker who rejoices when the Federal Reserve lowers interest rates. However, no matter how old you are, you can experience pure love if you suspend your adult feelings for a while and allow yourself to be completely vulnerable.
I experienced pure love during the summer after I turned fifteen years old, before I had ever kissed a girl. I met Melissa on a family vacation, on a cruise boat called The Inspiration. I first saw her inside the disco while I was with my family. She was sitting off to the side with a group of people I didn’t know. I eventually got the courage to go over and ask her to dance, and even though she hesitated, we were soon on the dance floor together. As it turned out, we both hated dancing, so we went outside and hung out on the steps for the rest of the night. We talked for hours, until it was time for her curfew. I remember standing up and giving her a hug goodnight, and my whole body tingling with joy once she had disappeared into the elevator.
There wasn’t a single moment I didn’t think about her for the next twenty four hours. The following night we met back at the disco. It was formal night, and she was in a velvety black dress. We skipped the dancing part this time and went to walk around on the upper level of the ship. Earlier that day, I had asked my dad for advice on how to kiss a girl and he told me to use “gentle persuasion”: to lightly lift the bottom of her chin and guide her lips toward mine. That evening, though I was looking good in my best suit, I was more nervous than I had ever been in my life. So, when she stopped walking and asked me if I wanted to go over to the balcony and watch the waves, I could feel a deep pounding inside my chest. The wind was whipping through her hair, causing it to fly about wildly, and this intensity was the only comfort I could find at that moment, for it mimicked the frenzy inside of me. After a few minutes, she asked if we could go back to her room so she could change out of her formal dress.
I was sure our moment had been ruined. But when she emerged from her stateroom a few minutes later, newly clad in jeans and smelling of some tantalizing body spray, my hope was renewed. On her suggestion, we went back up to the observation deck and returned to the exact same spot. We talked about a few ordinary things for a while, and then all at once my fear sank to the bottom of my chest like a single, dense weight, and I heard myself say “Melissa, I really like you.”
“I really like you too, Evan.”
And with that, I raised my bloodless arm, placing my hand underneath her chin, and kissed her. I tried to remember to open and close my mouth slowly, but my vision was black, and I had no feeling in my entire body. Perhaps a minute later, I regained some composure and started concentrating on what I was doing. I felt the moistness of her lips and tasted her saliva with life-affirming euphoria.
When we finally separated for a moment, she said “Wow - you’re a really good kisser.”
We spent the last four days of the cruise together. I remember the simple and expressive way she told me that she liked me, the intensity of her eyes after we kissed, and the specialness I felt when we walked around together at night, holding hands.
After the vacation, we wrote each other letters with gifts enclosed every week. We traded pictures from the vacation in one of them, she sent me a bottle of her shampoo (I worshiped the smell) in another, and I wrote her poetry in others. We called each other as much as our moms would let us. She lived ten hours north of me, but I didn’t care. I would have seen her every weekend if I had a car or the money to fly.
Meeting Melissa ushered in the worst period I had ever had in my relationship with my mom. She thought the idea of having a long distance girlfriend was impractical, and that it would only lead to disappointment for me. We fought constantly about whether I was allowed to fly out there, and although I ultimately lost the battle, I did everything short of running away from home to try to see her again. In one heated fight, I screamed at my mom: “You’ll regret this when Melissa and I get married one day and I don’t invite you to our wedding!”
About a month after the cruise, on a Tuesday night, I was sitting on the floor of my room using the twenty-minutes-every-other-day long distance time my mom had allotted me. Melissa and I were talking about how much we missed each other. Then she told me about something she had been feeling.
“I don’t know if it’s love, but I feel something…it’s like fireworks inside of me” she said.
“Really?...I do too.”
“Do you think it’s all right to say it?”
I paused. “Yeah. Let’s say it.”
“Okay, you first.”
“I…love you.”
“I love you too.”
That moment changed something chemical inside of me. I became obsessed; I started to save allowance money so I could buy calling cards and sneak extra calls to her from the pay phones at school. We planned secret times to call each other when our moms weren’t around. This went on for a few weeks.
But our parents had no intention of tolerating our unrealistic romance any longer. About three months later, after a final, climactic fight with our moms (and even a conversation between them), we agreed it was best not to talk.
The rest is history. She eventually got a boyfriend, and I started dating someone else too. Although we kept in touch for years, we never got a chance to be together. But the feelings I had during those four days on The Inspiration and afterwards for three months were as vivid and real as any feelings I have ever had. That was pure love.
My experience with Melissa is the closest thing to “true love” that I know. There are many possible interpretations, though. Some would call the impassioned excitement of a new relationship “true love,” and others would say that true love is the comfort of being with someone who understands you intimately well. To me, these states represent meaningful emotions; and indeed, there are as many types of love as there are couples. But the pure type of love that I felt when I was fifteen is different. It was life-changing and infinitely painful - the type of thing that you can only feel when your heart is as open as a child’s - and it is all that I can think of when I hear the words “true love.”
72 Comments
I miss Zac.
Didi, your story is so relevant to how I feel right now. Actually, I feel like it is my story…(I hope you respond)
I met the love of my life, we’ll call(C), when I was 19 years old. We were in a relationship for 4 and a half years. He is the love of my life, but was also my first love. I never really dated much before he came along. (Not because I’m ugly, I was just VERY preoccupied with school and success) So I was afraid. He would tell me all the time that I was “the One” and that he was ready to settle down. I was only 20 or 21 at the time, and knew there were other things that I wanted to do before I settled down. So I drove him away. I cheated by kissing 4 guys (1 during one summer, and 3 during another) Kissing does not seem like much, but he never could get over it. Anyway, I told him about the cheating when I contracted an STD (Chlamydia) thinking that if I was honest about the cheating, he would believe me that I contracted the STD way before he came along. (He still doesn’t believe me, and finds it scientifically impossible for a disease to stay dormant that long and he not contract it, can’t say that I blame him.) But he stayed with me, even though I asked for time apart. And we tried to work through it. Then a once in a lifetime opportunity came along for me to go live in another country, so I took it. I told him that it would probably be best if we took a break, and he reluctant coalesced with the idea. I came back after 6/7 months and we continued to see each other, but we were still on break. We did everything a couple did, and tried to maintain space. It was easier for me than it was for him. And then another opportunity came along after I graduated from college with a job. This job demanded all of my time and energy and while I was working this job, I met another guy, we’ll call(W). I became torn between him (W)and the guy I was on break with (C). I chose (W) over (C). (C) said he couldn’t wait on me anymore and broke off the relationship completely. He wouldn’t return phone calls, changed his number… I moved to California with (W), in order to get away from my parents & family (they hated my job), also in order to expand my opportunity with this job, as well as try and get another shot at love. The whole time I was away from (C), I never stopped thinking about him. I got engaged to (W), cause I really didn’t want to be by myself. What a way to rebound! I quit my job and I broke it off with (W) over a month ago, and moved back home with my parents. After a year and half, I got back in contact with (C). He says he doesn’t hate me, but that I hurt him and doesn’t want to really talk to me. He won’t talk to me over the phone, only through text. I’ve seen him twice in person and he couldn’t even look me in the eye. (He said it would bring back too many bad memories) For the past 3 weeks, I have been trying to talk to him and explain to him that I was young, and that I wasn’t ready for the type of relationship he was ready for. I have been trying to explain to him that I made a huge mistake in letting go and that I was sorry. I not only alienated him during the time I had this job, I alienated my friends, my family, everybody. I took everyone in my life for granted. So here I sit, seeking the advice of perfect strangers, in hopes that someone can tell me what to do, because I literally have no one to turn to. my family has thankfully accepted me back. I just disclosed facts about myself that I haven’t even disclosed to some of my closest friends. Here’s another, during the time I’ve been trying to win him back, I told (C) that I thought God wanted us to be together, because he got me pregnant 3 times and yet I had three abortions. With hindsight, I see that we weren’t listening to God. I feel like God was trying to tell us something. People say that true love never dies, and I know he truly loved me and I now realized that I don’t need to go out and experience life(even though I’m still young)...he is life. I feel like I am too late…he has a girlfriend (according to him, of 2-4 months) He says he’s moved on, my heart feels like he hasn’t from what he says when I text him. I don’t know what to do…sorry for the novel.
I got engaged to (W), cause I really didn’t want to be by myself. What a way to rebound! I quit my job and I broke it off with (W) over a month ago, and moved back home with my parents. After a year and half, I got back in contact with (C). He says he doesn’t hate me, but that I hurt him and doesn’t want to really talk to me. He won’t talk to me over the phone, only through text. I’ve seen him twice in person and he couldn’t even look me in the eye. (He said it would bring back too many bad memories) For the past 3 weeks, I have been trying to talk to him and explain to him that I was young, and that I wasn’t ready for the type of relationship he was ready for. I have been trying to explain to him that I made a huge mistake in letting go and that I was sorry. I not only alienated him during the time I had this job, I alienated my friends, my family, everybody. I took everyone in my life for granted. So here I sit, seeking the advice of perfect strangers, in hopes that someone can tell me what to do, because I literally have no one to turn to. my family has thankfully accepted me back. I just disclosed facts about myself that I haven’t even disclosed to some of my closest friends. Here’s another, during the time I’ve been trying to win him back, I told (C) that I thought God wanted us to be together, because he got me pregnant 3 times and yet I had three abortions. With hindsight, I see that we weren’t listening to God. I feel like God was trying to tell us something. People say that true love never dies, and I know he truly loved me and I now realized that I don’t need to go out and experience life(even though I’m still young)...he is life. I feel like I am too late…he has a girlfriend (according to him, of 2-4 months) He says he’s moved on, my heart feels like he hasn’t from what he says when I text him. I don’t know what to do…sorry for the novel.
I am 16 years old and an going throught a phrase where i feel depressed and need to be loved by someone like they truly love me for myself.i know that my family and firnds love me with all their heart but i feel empty and depresssed. If you have ever read the book ‘twilight’ the movie is coming out. there is a boy called Edward and a girl called Bella, who have true love. When edward leaves bella is crushed and i can feel her pain and her love for Edward. Like all books , they get their happily ever ending, now I want my Edward. i cant seem to move on from them and the desire for their love. I feel as if i am in a rut. My friend has read the book and she feels the same way. She says that we will find our true love but i need to find whoever it is now. it might seem selfish but i am in a rut where i cant get out.
The truth is, love is a made-up belief by all who want to be noticed or accepted. My experience with love was that I gave my everything to someone, even did many many foolish things and tried to convince her that my love for her was true. My relationship lasted three years. Many said that they envied us, or so they thought. What they envied was apparently a nightmare, according to her. She never felt the same feelings I felt when I was with her. All her feelings were pity. I was a fool to her. After the break-up I became depressed and lost my job. Even now as I type this, it brings back the memories I had with her. The pain of her words haunts me even now. So in terms of whether true love exists, my answer would be no!!! The world we are living now is a world where a fool looking for love will never survive. So I guess my comment is done. Sorry Evan, your love story happened when you were like 15 and it was just puppy love. My definition of true love is when two souls meet and never ever want to be apart, finding meaning and strength together.
This was some really good text Evan, congratulations. I liked to read the comments also and I’ll share a little bit of my story. I’m from europe and I basically met a girl from the states while I was in vacation (in some other country here in europe). The thing is we felled in love instantly. I never ever had felled like this and I never got the cheesy and dramatic romantic movies and novels, but I guess I do now. She came again to europe to see me and I was planning to go and see her also. We always talked a lot on the internet and used skype etc. Almost every day, but from nothing she recently seemed to be losing interest in me. She almost didn’t say a thing to me on the past 3 weeks and I’m feeling desperate. She always says she loves me but why doesn’t she say anything?? I’ll ask her what’s going on next time I talk to her. Maybe she’s just too busy, cause she’s in college and living alone with some friends and she travels a lot also. Or maybe she’s just not ready for a serious and tough thing such as a long distanced relationship like the ‘‘FeelingSupid’’ said on her post. Well whatever, I’ll just talk to her directly and see how it goes.
Wow, that story was so beautiful. It’s too bad when you fall in love with someone but can’t be with that person. It kills you inside. That makes a strong emotion like true love into something equally painful.
I have a long story. I meet this guy we started seeing each other every day, he staid in Cali for me but had to move. we were only apart for 3 months. las summer I moved all the way to florida just to be with him. It was howwirble lost of fights and very few good days. I thought it was love. After 8 motnhs I moved back to Cali and we were going to try to be long distance again. 2 weeks after I moved back I looked at his myspace and he had like 15 girls 18,19,20 year olds that live in the same city he lives. We turned 21 last year and I just could not imagine what he wants with this little girls, all they can do is hangout at what was out place…I feel like if he wanted to make just friends he would look for people our age that can go out. I dont trust him at all, we were together for 8 months and he had pictures and videos of nude girls in his phone. I just dont trust him. I broke up with him.
Now he keeps texting that he misses me and loves me and all.
I just feel like he was setting things up to get with these girls and I just dont want to know anything about him.
He textint me asking me what I am doing.
I feel like he has no right to ask me anything. I dont know if I missed out on love just because I dont trust him.
Now days guys just want sex and if they are with someone they want all the other girls too!
I just hate guys right now :( and He just keeps reminding me of it every time he txts me!
I am ever going to be able to trust a guys, to fall in love and be loved for real?
I think it takes a while to experience “true” love. I fell “in love” with my husband about a month after we started dating. We moved in together about a week after starting dating. You see, we both became homeless soon after, as a result of seeing one another. It wasn’t easy. The intensity of my love also waxes and wanes. Never once have I ever thought things were so bad that I didn’t love him anymore. We don’t have a perfect relationship. But it still amazes me everyday that I actually need this guy around to make me feel whole. Who ever said that love is simple or fair? Take your time and you will experience it. There is such a thing! Absolutely!
really good story,
I’m 19 years old and I had never a relationship [ well, I know what you all think, but I’m not ugly => I’m a bit shy and crazy :D ]
I hope I will meet the right one some day… ^^
the stupid thing is that here most of the girls in my age dont believe in LOVE….. well, what can I say….
it’s also prety hard to find the real one!
well…. hope I get some luck, I really want to find the right girl! ^^
<3
Well True love or not I dunno but something makes me write abt this thing that happenned to me some time ago.
So here it goes ...I basically spent my entire childhood and teenage years running after books and other stupid things in life .It was like I never had time for any girl back then..I had my list of crushes n stuff but nothin really serious.Then I went to college and finally after a year’s struggle landed up a job.It was then that I met a girl who studied with me in college and we started spending the weekends together. Slowly I started developing feelings for her ...feelings I could never understand.This was something that I had never felt before.Slowly these feelings grew and although I wanted to get her thought out of my head,I could never do it.
So one day I just went up to her place and we went for a walk ..all I could say to her at that time was “I love you but this love has no future so I am not even asking you to give me an answer….This is the first and last time Im sayin this to you..I do not know whether I did the right thing by saying this to you but I simply couldn’t wait without expressing myself”
Now this begs the question why I said something absolutely STUPID like that….
The only thing I had in my insecure mind was that this girl was from an extremely affluent family and I wasn’t from one….I did not know whether I could afford to give her the lifestyle that she was accustomed to…
All my friends cursed me for havin no balls or whatever….... but the fact was that given the circumstances I really COULDNT afford to live the life she does ....what could I do then?...was I right or was I just being a wussy?....and was it love or an infatuation?
I Still remember her everyday and even after stayin away from her for ages I cannot forget her…...
I have been in a four year relationship. It is healthy we do not fight, but I feel like my relationship has not been completely mutual. I am happy hanging out with my boyfriend and spending time with him, but I never felt intense butterflies when we started the relationship and i feel like he loves me more than I love him. He is my best friend, the one and only person who understands me, but I do not feel butterflies any longer if I ever felt them for a small period of time. I know he loves me unconditionally, and i love him but it is more of a friendship love I don’t know if it is the true love people always talk about. I am wondering if you guys think this is a good type of love or if I should try to find that insatiable love you guys talk about? I am afraid of finding that obsessive type of love because as I grew up I realized that although my mother had this type of love she ended up alone at the end, so I started thinking that loves like the one I have are healthier and less hurtful, in addition it is stable and i have no fear of being left alone… so my question is if there is really true love, or is it always the one where one person loves the other one more and the person who loves less let them love them..? Am I in a unsatisfiable relationship or is it OK to have such relationship?
Hi, I’m 22 years old. It’s interesting to read all yours comments. It’s always true that a discussion never reachs an total agreement.
Personally, for me true love is when you love someone but you never knows why you love him/her. Maybe today you say that you love him/her because he/she has something in common with you,tomorrow you realize that’s not true but you still can’t stop loving him/her. I think if someone can indicate why they love someone then it’s not true love… coz later on they can find another replacement who also qualifies those qualities. True love is when u feel like you can’t live without that person…
I do believe that true love exists coz i experienced once but i don’t think true love always lasts forever. Since true love is blind and you always do stupid, unimaginable things so somehow it will break. True love is also when you idolize someone too much so when you figure out bad things about that person you’ll get disappointed so probably your love will fade away. lols, i dont know coz i did love someone so much but we have never been officially lovers.
It happened when i was 19. I felt in love with him (call him B)rite at the moment i took his hand (in a silly game in my university), also on the first day i met him. I had had a feeling with my teacher before that day. But rite after i met B, i nearly forgot everything ab my teacher and could not stop thinking ab B. We did have some good memories. We were close for a month the following year (closer than normal friends but never reach love). Then for some stupid reasons, we never talked to each other again. i read his yahoo blogs and i knew that he was very sad (i was not sure if it was because of me or someone else). The following year i sent him an email, telling him that i liked him very much and i wanted to see him, but he never replied. He just keep silent to me. He even told my friend that i had changed, i was not kind to friends anymore and he did not like me as before. I really don’t understand. If only i had the courage to see him face to face and asked him. I was so painful so i just kept silent too. after that, i chatted with him with a strange nickname, asked him about his love. He said that: I did try but never tried my best coz if i failed it would be so painful. He even said that: She is like a scar that sometimes hurts me so bad (this sentence is exactly like what i wrote in the email for him)...
He has a girlfriend now (as his cousin (who is also my friend told me) but when my friend sent him a sms, asking him to go out (strange number), he said : “Who’s that? Are u beautiful? If you are beautiful, i will go.” Is there a kind of guy who already had a gf answers a strange person in that way? As i know, he’s not the kind of Dong Juan or Casanova.
I go out with some guys but i never had the same feeling. i always know how to control myself with those guys. But with B, i never did but just some stupid things lols
True Love does exist but sometimes it can easily end. I have had two boyfriends so far but I came to meet this man I fell in luv with crazily. We promised never to break each other’s hearts but that was not the case. We have lost contact completely and if true love does exist I hope he will come back again.
What if you dearly love, love, love your husband but dream of that short moment you had with someone else (no sex involved). Never, ever want to hurt my husband but am hugely missing something, all I think is this guy from my past - I’ve never felt anything like it. Feeling very selfish but I think my husband’s not with his ‘soul/mate or true-love’ either.
Please someone help me.
Note: Even though I’m in pain I refuse to cause those around me pain *heart ACHING*
That is beautiful. True love does exist but it’s difficult to explain. The only answer is that when it comes you, you know it very well. You should make your story into a book. I’m sure I’ll buy it. It’s very interesting and romantic. You are awesome.
Sometimes I really wonder whether true love exists. I have aboyfriend and we have been together for 7 years. We have had uncountable outbreaks because of a third party. She calls him, they meet and talk and recently he openly told me that the love he feels for me is friendship love but not emotional love. He asked me that I become his unconditional friend and we remain there for each other. This from a man who isnt working, and whenever I get something good I make sure he reaps from it, and more still, we are still staying together under the same roof and I am still supporting him. However, he rarely if ever appreciates me.I am confused. Does this man have interest in me or should I let him go?
True love…i found true love about 3 years ago when i met him, we’ve been together for 3 years and indeed i believe its true love, it just doesn’t feel the same way anymore, we fight sometimes, we are more like brother and sister, we have sex but the kisses don’t have that spark, i don’t feel the same way, and i know its unrealistic to think that such feelings will last forever, i think we fall in love and then we fall out of love and wonder is there someone else out there, its this it?
....i met a guy about 2 weeks ago…i like him..we kissed…i feel alive?feeling alive its good, i love my boyfriend, i do, but i think i should probably breakup, even if it means losing him, and he means a lot to me, it would be like losing my mom, or my dad, he is family, but he doesn’t deserve to be lied to!(I’m so confused)...true love does exist its just not constant on its symtoms
Well when I think about true love, I think about something that lasts forever. Honestly this was soooo cute, I love these kinds of stories, omgg and I’m going on a cruise for my 15’s in the summer…lol hope something like this happens to me!!
Love… well, in my opinion love has many meanings itself. It’s just complicated to understand. Yes, I know someday people find that special person. But will it last forever?? I doubt sometimes that love can last forever because there is always a misunderstanding in a relationship. People’s spirits can live forever, I have no doubt about that.
When I think about it, I agree with the idea of pure love, though. Evan is right - pure love does exist and can last forever. I may have my doubts, but the point I’m trying to make is that love can cause a lot of problems before you figure it out.
I believe in true love and I have proof that it can be true. I have been with my current boyfriend for 3 years and ongoing. Sometimes, I feel as if he’s not a boyfriend. He’s just, someone that always seems to be there.
I met him when I was 14 and he was only 12. Can you believe it? Therefore, it felt like such a new experience and so magical. We were only in our early time of teenage years. I felt as if I’ve grown up in a magical fairytale. I suppose because of him, I continued to believe in fairytale romance. Until now, it’s still a fairytale. A story that came from a book. I’m living it.
I want to be with him forever and he’s the only person I’ve been with so far. He is family and my best friend.
I’ll be 18 this year. Nearly an adult. I pray that I’ll be with him forever. To some it may be a childish dream. But to me, this magic I’ve felt will work out somehow.
You know when you spend your life trying to find love but never quite seem to find it, it makes reading stories like Evan’s all the better, because you think that at least someone out there’s having a good time.