Does True Love Really Exist?
The question of whether true love really exists cannot be answered without first clarifying what true love really is. However, the concept of “true love” has already absorbed so many qualities from literature, television, and magazines that it can no longer be approached with any objectivity. Trying to consider true love freshly at this point would be like trying to taste a wine while you are eating a hot dog.
The image that comes to mind when someone mentions true love is of two inspired individuals, fatefully drawn to each other and ready to risk their lives for the other person’s sake - in essence, Romeo and Juliet. Despite the prevalence of this perception, I have never actually witnessed such a perfect relationship in real life. The closest thing I can think of is something I term “pure love”: love that contains the boundless excitement that only a child can experience.
Pure love happens to some people many times, to others only once, and to still others not at all. The ability to experience pure love depends upon the strength of your idealism. You are more likely to feel it if you are a fourteen year-old girl who believes in fairies, and less likely if you are a forty year-old investment banker who rejoices when the Federal Reserve lowers interest rates. However, no matter how old you are, you can experience pure love if you suspend your adult feelings for a while and allow yourself to be completely vulnerable.
I experienced pure love during the summer after I turned fifteen years old, before I had ever kissed a girl. I met Melissa on a family vacation, on a cruise boat called The Inspiration. I first saw her inside the disco while I was with my family. She was sitting off to the side with a group of people I didn’t know. I eventually got the courage to go over and ask her to dance, and even though she hesitated, we were soon on the dance floor together. As it turned out, we both hated dancing, so we went outside and hung out on the steps for the rest of the night. We talked for hours, until it was time for her curfew. I remember standing up and giving her a hug goodnight, and my whole body tingling with joy once she had disappeared into the elevator.
There wasn’t a single moment I didn’t think about her for the next twenty four hours. The following night we met back at the disco. It was formal night, and she was in a velvety black dress. We skipped the dancing part this time and went to walk around on the upper level of the ship. Earlier that day, I had asked my dad for advice on how to kiss a girl and he told me to use “gentle persuasion”: to lightly lift the bottom of her chin and guide her lips toward mine. That evening, though I was looking good in my best suit, I was more nervous than I had ever been in my life. So, when she stopped walking and asked me if I wanted to go over to the balcony and watch the waves, I could feel a deep pounding inside my chest. The wind was whipping through her hair, causing it to fly about wildly, and this intensity was the only comfort I could find at that moment, for it mimicked the frenzy inside of me. After a few minutes, she asked if we could go back to her room so she could change out of her formal dress.
I was sure our moment had been ruined. But when she emerged from her stateroom a few minutes later, newly clad in jeans and smelling of some tantalizing body spray, my hope was renewed. On her suggestion, we went back up to the observation deck and returned to the exact same spot. We talked about a few ordinary things for a while, and then all at once my fear sank to the bottom of my chest like a single, dense weight, and I heard myself say “Melissa, I really like you.”
“I really like you too, Evan.”
And with that, I raised my bloodless arm, placing my hand underneath her chin, and kissed her. I tried to remember to open and close my mouth slowly, but my vision was black, and I had no feeling in my entire body. Perhaps a minute later, I regained some composure and started concentrating on what I was doing. I felt the moistness of her lips and tasted her saliva with life-affirming euphoria.
When we finally separated for a moment, she said “Wow - you’re a really good kisser.”
We spent the last four days of the cruise together. I remember the simple and expressive way she told me that she liked me, the intensity of her eyes after we kissed, and the specialness I felt when we walked around together at night, holding hands.
After the vacation, we wrote each other letters with gifts enclosed every week. We traded pictures from the vacation in one of them, she sent me a bottle of her shampoo (I worshiped the smell) in another, and I wrote her poetry in others. We called each other as much as our moms would let us. She lived ten hours north of me, but I didn’t care. I would have seen her every weekend if I had a car or the money to fly.
Meeting Melissa ushered in the worst period I had ever had in my relationship with my mom. She thought the idea of having a long distance girlfriend was impractical, and that it would only lead to disappointment for me. We fought constantly about whether I was allowed to fly out there, and although I ultimately lost the battle, I did everything short of running away from home to try to see her again. In one heated fight, I screamed at my mom: “You’ll regret this when Melissa and I get married one day and I don’t invite you to our wedding!”
About a month after the cruise, on a Tuesday night, I was sitting on the floor of my room using the twenty-minutes-every-other-day long distance time my mom had allotted me. Melissa and I were talking about how much we missed each other. Then she told me about something she had been feeling.
“I don’t know if it’s love, but I feel something…it’s like fireworks inside of me” she said.
“Really?...I do too.”
“Do you think it’s all right to say it?”
I paused. “Yeah. Let’s say it.”
“Okay, you first.”
“I…love you.”
“I love you too.”
That moment changed something chemical inside of me. I became obsessed; I started to save allowance money so I could buy calling cards and sneak extra calls to her from the pay phones at school. We planned secret times to call each other when our moms weren’t around. This went on for a few weeks.
But our parents had no intention of tolerating our unrealistic romance any longer. About three months later, after a final, climactic fight with our moms (and even a conversation between them), we agreed it was best not to talk.
The rest is history. She eventually got a boyfriend, and I started dating someone else too. Although we kept in touch for years, we never got a chance to be together. But the feelings I had during those four days on The Inspiration and afterwards for three months were as vivid and real as any feelings I have ever had. That was pure love.
My experience with Melissa is the closest thing to “true love” that I know. There are many possible interpretations, though. Some would call the impassioned excitement of a new relationship “true love,” and others would say that true love is the comfort of being with someone who understands you intimately well. To me, these states represent meaningful emotions; and indeed, there are as many types of love as there are couples. But the pure type of love that I felt when I was fifteen is different. It was life-changing and infinitely painful - the type of thing that you can only feel when your heart is as open as a child’s - and it is all that I can think of when I hear the words “true love.”
72 Comments
Beautifully explained to perfection.
Hi!!!
That is a good description of true love. When I think of true love, I think of it as everlasting too. Do you think everlasting true love is real? I hope and wish that it is real.
I think it’s everlasting till the next day… People change, things change…
“Today I stay with you forever, tomorrow…”
Ok…
So what’s next ? ...
I felt exactly the same ... and what now ?
The love is over… she’s not here anymore .. Is it possible to feel the same for someone who will love you back ?
I’ve never really liked anyone before and at 16 it’s weird to watch my little sister kiss her boyfriend when I’ve never so much as looked at a guy as more than a great friend. I have a friend who’s disappointed that I ‘haven’t loved’ and thinks I’m missing out. But for me love is what I feel when I’m having the greatest time of my life with my friends, or hugging my parents, or that fierce protectiveness you feel when you’re beating the crap out of someone who dared make your little sister cry. It doesn’t have to be a desire to be together, why can’t we be happy with love for our friends and family too?
I know true love. I started to feel that powerful and wonderful thing since I was 13 for a boy who I thought ever since to be my best friend. Our story is one of a book… Full of magical moments, words and adventures…
Unfortunately, we stopped seeing each other 2 years ago due to our extreme shyness and stupid prejudices… But, we never forgot about each other…
3 and a half months ago now I phoned him again and ask him to go out. I thought he wouldn´t want to see me again but I was really surprised to find out that he was very excited for seeing me again. We met as if no time has passed and this time, we destroyed all shyness and prejudices… So we are together now, and we know we´ll always be. We´ve truly loved each other since we were kids and that passion only a child can feel is still in our hearts, but now even stronger and more powerful than ever, in fact, grows every day. None of us used to believe in such things… We never even wanted to have a couple, we were solitary people… But then, life has surprised us infinite more than we could imagine. It´s not only that we love each other increasingly more each day, but we also have that feeling for each other that someone can only have in childhood, when you really love your best friend (that is why I call him my “double bf” for boy and best). I´m sure we´ll be together forever, no matter what those who are like adults think… Adults don´t believe in Real Love and Friendship but in a way of contract they called marriage and which is based in a stupid list of conventions and prejuidices… That is why divorces are becoming more usual than ever… I don´t believe in marriage. I trust the one I love and I only need his word to know that he´ll love me forever, I don´t need a stupid piece of paper to know that it´s true and pure what we both feel and share. My one and only dream has always been to stay a child and live as a child forever sharing that hapinness of childhood with a real Friend and Love, both at the same time.
Fairies have made my dreams come true ^_^
I HAVE A LOT OF VIEWS ON TRUE LOVE LIKE CAN TRUE LOVE ONLY BE FELT WITH A SPOUSE OR BOYFRIEND OR GIRLFRIEND OR CAN YOU FEEL TRUE LOVE WITH YOUR FAMILY OR WITH SOMEONE YOUR NOT SUPPOSED TO BE WITH.LIKE FOR ME I BELIEVE I WAS IN TRUE LOVE WITH MY COUSIN,BUT IT WASN’T IN ANY CREEPY WAY ,IT WAS PLATONIC,I THINK I WAS IN TRUE LOVE WITH HIM BECAUSE WHENEVER I WAS AROUND HIM I FELT COMFORTABLE AND SAFE AND HE MADE ME FEEL HAPPY AND WHEN HE WASN’T AROUND I MISSED HIM AND HOW HE ALWAYS MADE LAUGH AND HOW HE MADE FEEL WHOLE LIKE I WAS THE GREATEST PERSON ON EARTH.I KNOW THAT LOVE BETWEEN ANYONE RELATED IS WRONG.BUT WE NEVER HAD SEXUAL FEELINGS TOWARD EACHOTHER,IT WAS MORE LIKE WE JUST CONNECTED EMOTIONALLY,AND I WAS ONLY 15 THEN AND I WAS GOING THROUGH A HARD TIME IN MY LIFE,AND WE HAD ALWAYS GOTTEN ALONG WHEN WE WERE KIDS.BUT NEEDLESS TO SAY I’M 18 NOW AND WHEN I GO OUT ON DATES WITH GUYS I’M ALWAYS LOOKING FOR THAT SPARK THAT CONNECTION THAT I FELT WITH HIM.A CONNECTION BETWEEN OUR SOULS.SO WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY IS TRUE LOVE CAN HAPPEN BETWEEN ANYONE AND I DO BELIEVE YOU CAN FEEL TRUE LOVE TOWARDS YOUR FAMILY AND TOWARDS ANYONE AND ITS NOT ALWAYS SEXUAL LIKE IT WOULD BE WITH YOUR PARTNER.TRUE LOVE IS REAL YOU JUST HAVE TO REALIZE THAT IT’S INSIDE YOU.
I am now 44 and married for 20years. Is there “true love”? everlasing love? pure love? undying love?
I read this once, and live and tell newly weds this to live their new life together
People are too busy looking for the perfect lover instead of creating the perfect love!
My response to this is
Remember every day to create your perfect love, you have found the person who sparks a flame now never let that die it takes lots of work to have “love”.
The only love that is real is unconditional love that parents and grandparents give every day even through troubled times with their children.
I have created 20 years of true, perfect, pure, everlasting love with my husband and he with me and we have worked hand in hand, side by side 16 years out of those 20 years, We have only spent 16 nights apart and those were when we took turns caring for his mother who was ill.
God bless those who find what I have found (created)!
Lol at ““You’ll regret this when Melissa and I get married one day and I don’t invite you to our wedding!”
In my opinion, it is not the case that you will love the person you married every day of your life until the day you die. The only way to true, everlasting love is working at it everyday.
When they are right and they are right, who will give in? All I am saying is that you must create love it is not handed to you on a silver platter.
Look at countries with pre-arrranged marriages, and they stay married and in love for over 60 years. Love is not just a feeling but learning to respect each other.
GOOD LUCK TO YOU!
I believe in true love but it doesn’t mean you’ll be with the person you have that love with. Too often life gets in the way. I’ve learned the hard way that people fall in an out of love. It happens all the time, it’s happening right now somewhere in the world.
Is it better to have loved and lost it or to have never loved at all? If you lose it, what it ever true love to start with? And where does the love go when the relationship is over?
actually i do believe true love does exist, but it needs to be nurtured by both partners, otherwise it will die and it’s flame will be extinguished.
i’m sure everyone of as has lived an experience in which they felt they love someone to death,and are ready to do whatever to make them happy, and the other partner may have exactly the same feeling. but over time this relationship becomes monotonous and little by little everyone goes his/her own way and they break up.can u gess why??? as far as i’m concerned i think most of the time this happens because the couple stops showing care and interest to eachother, and they r no more creative in finding ways to make the other part happy.
guys love is the greatest feeling one can ever feel. so preserve it and never afford to lose it. and remember it’s never damanding, only a smile or a flower adds a lot to any love relationship.
show ur love and care whenever u can!!!!!!!
I think some how I agree with Shamy , I can add that if we look at love as a NEED for our souls like air and water to our bodies, and that giving is better than taking…it will grow up to eternity,,,its like a rose ,needs water,air ,light..but dont ever think to have it in ur vase ..that would kill it.
I just wanted to say that now I think everyone understands what I was trying to say. My husband is my true love and yes we fall in and out of love but what is in our hearts always seems to come back out because we take the time to CARE WHAT THE OTHER THINKS AND FEELS.
i am in 5th grade and this really cute boy mark sits across from my bff roy and i told roy that i like mark and he started spreading roumors and i was so embarassed 
because later that week mark came up to me and said “Roy said you wat to go out with me on friday” i said no i never said that.and i just want to run up and kiss him(mark)but mark thinks im a compleat idiot so my 2nd bff danielle yelled at roy and told him to stay out of my buisness so that made me feel a little better.but roy told everyone that i “loved” mark but i only like him so maby one day true love will come true!i really hope so.
Haley
Believe it or not…it will happen! And hopefully you never forget Mark!
My wife has been having an affair with a person that I believe suffers from the Peter Pan sysdrome and she has been engulfed by him. All they do is have fun together, tell jokes, business trips that are simply an excuse to run away and play. He is the kind of person who masters everything he does. He plays piano, he is great at chess, he is very successful and he is really great at sex. He is very manipulative in the way that after I found out about the affair he convinced my wife that leaving him wasn’t the answer but rather a change in lifestyle (polyamory)At this time she basically told me that she doesn’t want to leave him but unless I accept this lifestyle (which of course allows the affair to continue)whe would instead leave me. I wasn’t ready to lose her and agreed to give this lifestyle a shot. My fear is that he isn’t done as I believe that with his narcissistic personality he won’t stop until he ultimately gets what he wants which is my wife to leave me for him. My question is do I have any defence? I feel lost and vulnerable and I’m afriad to lose her permanently. If anywone has any suggestions please let me know.
Thad
I am not a doctor so I am not qualified to give advice. However, I give my opinion. My husband and I have been together for 20 years and married for 16 in March. When I met him his wife was having an affair. We became very good friends (no physical involvement). He idiolized her, and it drove me crazy! He is and was this awesome kind hearted man kids and animals are just naturally attracted to him. She wanted the same as your wife does. Well needless to say when he left her then she wanted him back but again she wasn’t willing to give up the other man. She only was willing to give up her 2 daughters. Anyway it took Al a long time to get over her but he did. He loved me in a different way then he ever did her she was this “idea” that he had. With me well, when you get married you take a vow of celebicy to your spouse along with many other vows. I believe that people break those vows and are sorry deserve to be forgiven but the person who “wants you to change for her” will eventually make you even more unhappy. BE TRUE TO YOURSELF IF YOU DON’T LIKE WHO YOU MAY BECOME YOU WILL BE EVEN MORE LOST AND VUNERABLE. I am sure this is not what you want to here but stand up for yourself! Stand up for what you believe. You will make it! If it is not with your wife then someone will see the love you have to offer. Also there is an old saying ...if you love something set it free if it comes back to you then it was meant to be if it does not then it was not meant to be! Good Luck and Stay Strong!
True love exist when you see that your partner is still living with you without having sex.
True love exist when you see that your partner is still living with you without having money.
True love exist when you see that your partner is still living with you if you are disabled physically.
There are more reasons that I cannot remember.
How does an individual realize the differences between a crush and true love? Most people think crushes are when you are an adolescent or a teen. Isn’t a crush possible when you are older? I am 12 years old, and I am puzzled.
kimberly, a crush is still possible when you are older even if you are 33 or older you can crush on anyone for however long it lasts but if you both fall in love then a cush is broken and love takes its place.true love is when you both love eachother and you have known eachother for a very long time and you guys will never split up even if one of you die you will still be in their heart FOREVER.and a crush is when you saw or met a boy or girl and you mabye blushed a little or felt kinda weird around them but a girl is usely the one who crushes on a boy or falls in love with them.so well since you are a teenager love is more common then crushes.so remember to choose a guy that is like you and he is nice and really cute 
i have one question what is peter pan syndrom?i have no clue what it is someone please tell me?
I am in Love. I love being happy. I was blessed to meet someone who helped me find this feeling. I believe that love is a feeling that you have for yourself and if you are lucky, you find that someone else that has the same feelings of enjoyment for themselves as well and that you both share similar interests but have enough differences to make life fun. I am 37. When I was in sixth grade I met the person that helped me to find love; not then though, in 1996. There is only one problem . . . I dated him when I was in my late 20’s for two years . . . i had a whole bunch of issues that I was dealing with at the time . . . and was also terrified of how i was feeling - it was all very new . . . i feared it . . . and started to find a “way out”. Well, I went back to him after that (within that two year period) and he took me right back with the excitement of a child! I just couldn’t get it together I guess and we ended up apart . . . and we never even said goodbye - it just kind of ended. I was heartbroken to say the least and felt that “well, if that was my true love and it is not going to happen then I must keep going”. So, I married the first guy I met on New Year’s eve, within three months -yes, three months - I got engaged and was to be married - i broke it off at one point feeling that I really should not do this - but out of guilt and shame i got back together with him, became pregnant and then (in my mind) had to get married - of course alcohol plays a big role in this preganacy/marrige thing - beacause I ended up having 2 children and alcohol was the thing that allowed me to concieve them. So, I almost had a 3rd but had a miscarraige and realized that I really needed to help myself and my children and get out of this abusive (he was absent and verbally abusive) marriage that was not going to ever work as much as I asked him to try. So, I got divorced - oh and it was the divorce from hell! Anyway, let’s just say I have been through a lot - I don’t even have custody. So, I met up with this guy (that helped me to love) again - after about 8 years - AND I have the same feelings for him now as I did then and we talk as if we never parted. The only thing is that we have each lived different lives over those years and he seems to have the fear this time. But true love is real - it is your appreciation for and ability to accept the world around you as it is and find special things that make you happy and keep you happy - and you definately need to see life in the “bigger picture” to get there. When you find another person that can feel the same way - that is when you have true love between two souls.
Thank God I’m not alone in the world…